Hand shaking · Muslim Marriage Accelerator

Hand shaking

I am faced with the dilemma of handshaking in my culture, and it goes against our Islamic beliefs. I know that Islam came to abolish cultures that do not please Allah. I had a lengthy conversation about it with my mother and arrived at an understanding that I cannot judge someone's religiousity based on this alone. I know that to be true because I only found out in 2019 and knew how difficult it was to stop it. I was able to resort to the niqab, and that made me safe in our cultural understanding. It does not excuse the behaviour, of course. My parents also shake hands, and my siblings avoid it, but not when cornerd sometimes. There is also this very disturbing pattern where guys who do not shake hands end up relapsing and shaking hands again later on down the line. May Allah keep us firm on his straight path. I know that with deen, no one can be certain about their own safety and the safety of their chosen partner. How can I consolidate this issue, knowing that handshaking is a very important thing in our culture, be it due to pressure or ignorance? If a guy's akhlaq are good, and this is the only thing making me not want to give him a chance, what should I do about it? I know that this is something between him and his lord, and at the same time know I can change it when I raise my own kids, and maybe he will too with time. I suggested to my mom asking any potential who does if he can stop it, and she advised me against it because that can allow him to use it against me. What should I do about it? I am starting to think that it should be a preference rather than a non-negotiable. I do not know if this is settling or not. At the same time, there is a disturbing majority trend that the same guys who do not shake hands end up being the most corrupt ones regarding lowering their gaze and their behaviour with women and it is only discovered after marriage because they're just strangely good at hiding it from the woman they're interested in. I do know that asking is also part of the vetting process, but I am really confused right now about whether or not I will end up sabotaging a good guy because of this.

@Mindful Muslimah

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