@E H Ohh sister, I relate to you soooo much! It's feels good to know there are other people who feel like this too hahaha. You described it so well. In my case, I came to the conclusion that I might just be an intellectual. I love to think and understand things. I don't go in with emotions first, especially when it's something as important as marriage. I don't know if it's a defense mecanism after seeing so many people suffer from lack of thinking in their decisions/marriage, but I just can't go in with emotions directly. I find myself asking the same questions you mentionned. What made me feel at peace is the realization that Allah made me how I am and if I exist and want things a certain way, then there are other people like me too. Like you said we have our fitrah and even if we don't understand where we are going (it feels different them others), we should just have tawakkul in Allah and let Him surprise us. We all have a purpose being who we are and the way we are. There is hikma in everything Allah creates. I focus on Allah and nothing else when I think about marriage now, I work on myself, have an open mind and heart and have tawakkul. May Allah grant us all a spouse that will understand us, love us and that we love deeply and have Allah in our hearts first at all times 🤲🏻❤️

@Kulsum M I've never been in love too and it's ok. Society love to makes us feel abnormal because society want to have control over everyone. Reality is diversity is what makes the world wonderful and special. We all go at our pace and experience life in our own way. We will get there at the right time. Love will get to us when Allah decides that it's good for us, that we are ready for it and only then, He will grant it to us inshaAllah. Also, I think love is a process. You slowly get to know the person and overtime you develop love. There are stages of love too, different types of love in relationships and how you show it. Love changes overtime and it adapts to every couple and their life. You are right on your time ❤️ I love how you reframed it. It's a very good perspective in my opinion. May Allah grant you a deep, safe, good for your nervous system type of love 🤲🏻

@Kulsum M You are so sweet 🥰 Thank you for your care ❤️ I appreciate it. You are right one day at a time and yes I will see what is best for me, without overwhelming myself. Hahahah I'm the type of person who loves intensity and loves to push myself to become the best I can be. I have realized through these discussions that I have to slow down and get out of my own head too. Progress can be slowed down if you are too focused on it. So yeah, I am grateful alhamdulilAllah for all the help. I'm not worries tho, it's such an important goal for me that I'll keep looking to improve. On the long run I'll get better like you said. Inshallah with the help of Allah 🤲🏻.

@Aisha Hemeida Thank you for your answer sister 🥰 Yes I absolutely agree it's a mix of knowledge and practice. I do go in with a goal in my conversations, but sometimes I struggle to say what I want to say. Taking what is in my mind and saying it is sometimes difficult to do. I did try to write down the most important points or even what I want to say before going to talk to the person and this exercice helped me a lot + working on emotional control. I did improve a lot alhamdulilah. Since there are many goals to work on I will try your suggestion on different goals and I'm sure it will help me improve 👌🏻❤️. About your book suggestion, I heard about it!! It's on my list of books to read. Now that you are telling me how important the knowledge in it is, I going to read it sooner then what I wanted. I'm excited 😁. I would suggest these two books that are my current lectures : - The next conversation by Jefferson Fisher (YT of the same name) - The secret language of work by Erin McGoff (AdviceByErin on YT) I waited for both books to come out and got them right then. I love them both so much as people and the impact they do is wonderful. I love both books and got insight from both. I would suggest you to look them up on YT first so you get to know them. Adding to that and all the suggestions I got from you and the sisters I'm sure I will improve in no time! Thanks again :)

I agree with the sisters, I don't give my number at first as well, I use apps. If you end up giving your number now or later and it ends up not working between you guys, then you can block him after without any stress👌🏻❤️

The fact that she is not muslim doesn't erase what I told you, except the part on ibada for the sake of Allah. The only thing you have to accept is that it's more an exchange of value in her mind. Maybe she consider she gives you more and it bothers her. Sometimes it's just to talk to remind her of what you do for her so she get reminded of what you bring to the table. If you girls don't see each other a lot and she reacts like this, maybe she didn't realize or maybe she just realized that she doesn't value this friendship as much as before. Once again, these are just guesses, you are going to have to see with her in future discussions or how she reacts in the future. If you end up parting ways in the future, then know that it's for the best. Allah separate people from each other for good reasons even if we cannot see it. I had a friend of 7 yrs she wasn't muslim too, overtime I couldn't relate to her life and I wasn't able to be here for her as much as before and because of that she just dropped me out of her life. I was chocked she was a good friend of mine but non-muslims can be like that sometimes. I'm not saying this is what will happen to you, but if it happens, don't worry. Allah got your back 🙏🏻❤️

@Kulsum M You should not feel like you cannot talk to her. If she talked to you and you were open, then she should be open to hear you out. Maybe give her time to process herself after your last convo and see after.

Wa alaykom assalam dear sister 🫶🏻 I'm always going to give this advice first and it's that whenever you feel your nervous system reacting, take multiple deep breaths (with closed eyes for better results). It will calm you and clear your thoughts. Know that your feelings are very normal and valid. When you say that you don't want to repeat past mistakes, it gives you the power to not repeat them because you are conscious of what not to do now, so you will be careful. That's where experience becomes your ally. You are wiser now, trust yourself 😊. My biggest advice is to go in with your mind first. No matter how he acts, you stay focused. Know where you are going, that's how you don't waste time. After, if you are comfortable with him and things are going very well, then open your heart slowly overtime. What helped me last time I talked to a man was journaling. Before&after we talked. I wrote what I wanted to talk about and what do I want to know from that. I wrote what we talked about after and what infos I learned about him and answers I got from what I wanted to know(and more of what was discussed). Keeping track of discussions will help you a lot to stay focused and keep your direction. You write important things only so you don't forget. When you are talking you cannot think about everything and usually a few minutes/hours after the talks you will remember things, understand things, realize things about him and what he told you. So, new questions will arise (write them down) and new realization about who the man your are talking to is. Most importantly I know you are scared and nervous, but don't rush things. Taking your time will give your mind the space to absorb all these new informations and it will give it the opportunity to be observant as well. Two very crucial things in that whole process. So, breathe, be conscious and trust yourself, go in with your mind(and then heart slowly overtime), journal to keep track of the journey and don't rush things.

@Kulsum M Thank you for your words ❤️ I'm glad I was able to help you alhamdulilah. May Allah send all khayr towards you and all the sisters on this path 🤲🏻🫂