Resist the story spiral! The moment my husband would go into silent mode, my mind would instantly launch into all kinds of stories I would start telling myself. The first one would typically be "he doesn't love me anymore" followed by "I'm not enough for him" followed by "I've done something wrong...again..." You get the idea. But here's what I found (by practice - not just as a wife but also as a coach and someone now trained in helping others rewire their internal belief system): 🧠The mind listens! The human brain cannot distinguish between objective truth, and what you tell it. It works TIRELESSLY to make your internal dialogue your physical and emotional reality. That internal narrative pattern I used to have had less to do with my husband and more to do with my own belief system shaped by experiences from my past. We are already prone to telling ourselves negative things, and so a conscious reframe is telling ourselves a DIFFERENT and better story than the negative one. "I AM enough for him. Right now he's struggling to find words to talk through what's going on." "This is a temporary challenge, and I have the resilience to handle it." "I trust myself to handle whatever happens, and I let go of the rest." It takes practice because it doesn't come naturally. But like building a muscle - you get strong with it. So - here's a question for you. What's a repeating negative belief that you want to develop a 'conscious reframe' with? Let me know in the comments below and we can shape a present tense and powerful reframe!

Behind the scenes I've been developing a program focused on helping women who struggle with navigating difficult conversations with their spouse. That was me....for AGES. I hated the slightest risk of conflict, so rather than speaking up, I kept things buried. Turned out this aversion to conflict was a pattern based on a belief I'd formed as a little girl. My mother left the family when I was 10 yrs old. My dad raised my two younger brothers and I mostly on his own. Here's the thing, though. When I saw them fight, and then mum left (I just came home from school one day and she was gone) - I created an equation in my 10yr old mind "If two people who love each other fight - one of them will leave." Several years into my marriage - that belief had entrenched itself in my thinking. I was terrified that if we got into a fight - my husband would leave. So I was always a peacekeeper, at the expense of being my authentic self. I am very grateful to God that he led me through completely reframing that false belief and teaching me HIS way to be. So - that's the origin story of what I created. However, I don't want to "assume" that it's what most women would find value in. So to explore this more fully and validate (or give me a different steer) what I've developed, I invite you to complete a survey I've created. In the survey, the questions take you through some reflections on your marriage. Your voice matters and it will be instrumental in helping others along the way. 💞 👇 Click the link and it will take you straight to it. https://forms.gle/XDGa3QksiZmYBKpTA

THIS one helped me so much to have much more constructive conversations! Ever found yourself launching into fix-it mode when your spouse has talked to you about something - because the solution seems so obvious? Or perhaps you've AVOIDED even starting a conversation because your spouse has done that so many times, when it hasn't been what you were needing - that you just keep it to yourself? Tip #2 helps you BOTH. Instead of launching into a conversation, pre-frame it at the beginning by defining exactly what you are needing. "I want to talk something through with you. What I need is for you to just listen, because I want to process this out loud. This would really help me." Or try this: "I want to talk something through with you, and I want to hear your thoughts on a possible solution..." Whether you just need him to listen, or you need him to come up with solutions to something - naming what you need at the very beginning takes the pressure of him and gives him a clear, achievable role.

One of the reasons why I created this space was to grow the community I wish I had around me when my husband's mental health spiralled, leading to a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I also LOVE developing practical resources to use that have come from my own story, and 'aha' moments I discover as I continue to learn. It's a deep desire I have to help lighten the load being carried, in some small way. So if you haven't had the chance yet, head over to the Classroom to find those resources. I've got more coming! For now, in this video I share a bit more of my story and the "aha" moments I had along the way. Let me know in the comments what resonated, or, share a pivotal moment that you experienced that helped you. 👇

You keep trying to reach him. He keeps pulling back. And the more you reach, the further he keeps pulling back. This goes BOTH ways too! You keep trying to reach her. She keeps pulling back.... If this resonates with you then stay tuned, because this week I'm bringing you FOUR practical shifts you can implement. Here's what I've learned — both in my own marriage through some of the hardest years of our lives, and through coaching spouses navigating the same wall of silence: Avoidance in a husband (or wife) is RARELY about you. It usually means they are processing something he doesn't yet have words for. The cave, as John Gray describes it, is a biological need — not a rejection. So instead of trying to break through the wall, try this practical shift. PRACTICAL SHIFT 1/4: "Check in before you crash in." Ever been totally engrossed in a movie, and someone starts talking to you in the middle of it? I sure don't likes it when that happens. Stick with me on this. Ask "is now a good time to talk?" before diving in. It sounds too simple to matter — but it completely changes the dynamic. You're no longer gate-crashing the mental movie he's got going on in that moment. You're asking for permission to be let in. That small act signals safety. Oh - and if he says "no, not really" - try this follow up question: "No worries. How about [insert time] [this afternooon/evening - whatever applies]." Just give an option and one will be selected. 😀 Let me know in the comments if this tip helped! If it for whatever reason it doesn't land with you - I've got three more coming this week. This is about building up your toolbox and experimenting to find what works.