Let's talk about something that doesn't get named nearly enough. You have reached for him — emotionally, not physically — and there's nothing there. A wall. Silence. Or worse, distraction. You try again. Same result. And slowly, quietly, you start to wonder if it's something you've done. It's not. Emotional unavailability in marriage is one of the most researched and documented relational challenges — and yet it's one of the least talked about honestly. You might have heard of Dr John Gottman. He is a researcher and psychologist. And when I say "researcher" - he and his colleague Robert Levenson, and his wife Dr Julie Schwartz Gottman - studied more than 3,000 couples in longitudinal studies. He identified what he calls "stonewalling" — where a partner emotionally withdraws from interaction — as one of the four key predictors of relationship breakdown. He found that in most cases, the person withdrawing isn't doing it out of indifference. They're doing it because their nervous system is flooded. Let me say that again: flooded. Overwhelmed. Dysregulated. I can relate to this so much. Yet I will add that when my husband was "emotionally unavailable," I had a clear cause I could point to. His Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms had him flooded at times, dysregulated. So I quickly had to learn how to find a way through that - to feel heard. The experience doesn't make the impact on you any less real. Your loneliness is valid. Your need for connection is legitimate. But understanding what's actually happening beneath the surface changes everything about how you respond to it — and how you take care of yourself in the middle of it. This week I'm doing a deep dive into this topic. I want to hear from you first though. Whether it's emotional unavailability in your marriage or previous marriage, what's the one word that comes up for you? Drop it below. 👇

I read a verse in Judges today made me stop. Manoah and his wife challenged their son Samson when he chose a Philistine woman to marry. They said to him "Isn't there even one woman in our tribe or among all the Israelites you could marry? Why must you go to the pagan Philistines to find a wife?" He ignored them, and insisted on the one he asked for. In Judges 14:4 it then reads "His father and mother didn't realise the LORD was at work in this, creating an opportunity to work against the Philistines, who ruled over Israel at the time." In the face of a circumstance that appears TOTALLY contradictory to how we thought things were supposed to go...the LORD is at work in ways we can't see. Trust that His purpose and plans will be fulfilled - no matter how things may appear on the surface.

Just wanted to take a moment and welcome @Miriam Woolner and @Pauline Marsden to the community! It's great to have you both here! Looking forward to walking alongside, with encouragement and support!!

Wins on the way! Later this week I am releasing two new interactice resources into the Classroom: 1. Downsizing Your Fear 2. Post Argument Repair Guide BOTH of these have been birthed from my own personal experience in my marriage, so they are very meaningful to me...and I know they work!! Watch this space!!!