Is guilt stopping you from relaxing? · the skool CLASSIFIEDS

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Is guilt stopping you from relaxing?

I had a whole weekend to myself recently. No one needed anything from me. And instead of enjoying it, I spent half of it feeling guilty for enjoying it.

Like, I'd be sitting there, actually relaxed for once, and my brain would start up. You should be missing him more. Why are you enjoying this so much? What kind of person loves being alone this much?

And then the worst one. If something happened to him and he was never here again, you'd never forgive yourself for enjoying this.

I was conflating the worst case scenario with just having a bit of time to myself. Which obviously doesn't mean I don't love my son. But guilt doesn't care about logic.

So I started looking at what was actually happening. Not in my head. In my body.

Because when you've spent a long time in a caregiving role or any kind of high demand situation, your nervous system adapts to being needed. That becomes the baseline. So when the demand drops and you're suddenly alone with nothing to do, your nervous system doesn't read that as rest. It reads it as something being wrong.

And then it sends that dysregulated feeling up to your brain. And your brain does what brains do. It creates a story. And guilt is the easiest story to create because it feels productive. It feels like you're being a good person by feeling bad.

That's why telling yourself "I deserve rest" doesn't really work. If your body is wired to interpret stillness as danger, the guilt keeps coming back no matter what you think.

So what actually helps is working with the body first.

🌿 Notice the guilt without obeying it. Let it be there. Don't change your behaviour because of it.

🌿 Land in your body. Sit for a minute. Feel your feet. Let your nervous system register that you're safe.

🌿 Stop justifying alone time with productivity. You don't need to clean the house or finish a project to earn the right to have been alone.

🌿 Catch the apology reflex. Notice how often you explain or justify needing space. You're allowed to have it without a disclaimer.

And if you actually start to enjoy your alone time and then feel guilty for enjoying it, that's just another layer of the same pattern. You can love someone and enjoy space away from them. Both things can be true.

I've been practicing this. And I've noticed that the more I let myself have space without fighting the guilt, the weaker it gets. And the stronger my relationship with my son is when we're together. Because I'm not running on empty anymore.

Body first. Then brain. Always.

Want to work more on this then come and join me inside The Somatic Reset Lab

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