Oct 18 • 🎇30 Day Challenge🎇
30 Day Challenge: Week 2 Live Call (challenge #8)
Well done to everyone who's survived so far!
In today's call we covered
- facing social anxiety fears
- letting go of outcomes
- leaderboard update
- next challenge
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TRANSCRIPT
Alrighty, we're wrapping up the end of week two, two and a half, of our 30-day
social
confidence building challenge.
We've progressed, all of you have pitched in so far, you've done some pretty
uncomfortable
things, I know, I've come through all these things myself, I wouldn't ask you
to do anything
I haven't done myself.
And some of you have really embraced it, and you've done some things that scare
you.
We're all scared by different things, we have different levels of tolerance for
social anxiety,
so some of the things might look small to others and be big to you and vice
versa, and
that's okay, it's all just subjective, yeah.
So as long as you're trying to make yourself do things that are uncomfortable,
that build
yourself socially, then you're on track, no matter how that compares to anybody
else.
So while I do have the point system going, that's just a marker of people
putting the
effort in, okay, you don't, you aren't actually in competition with anybody,
that's just for
fun.
So, a couple of reminders, just from what I've seen coming up, first and
foremost, you know,
there's only so much I can give you guys in a 30-day challenge.
Each of these exercises, well, I've sort of said, just go do this once.
These are all exercises that if you were to repeat them frequently over time,
you would
develop an amazing social circle, okay, these are the formula, this is what you
need to
do.
Now, some of these things will be more relevant to you than others, depending
on your current
social situation, your social courage, how you like to meet people and so on.
And everything in this challenge, if you were to do it every week, one of these
things,
or, you know, they're fewer than you do them a lot, your social life will
transform, okay.
30 days, it's just about sort of laying the foundations, learning the skills
and the exercises
they would build your social life, it's repetition that's really going to make
it come home.
You go out and say hi to people once, no, that's not going to build your social
life.
How you do it every day on your lunch break, things are going to happen.
So just a reminder, any of these exercises that you found helpful, or you
thought, showed
promise, repeat them.
You don't even need to tell anyone else about it if you don't want to, but keep
doing them.
The whole point of this challenge is you do actually build your social life.
It's not something you do 30 days and then button off again, alright, this is
designed
to give you a great circle of friends, enhance your love life, it'll do that
stuff if you
repeat these exercises.
Um, reminder, yep done that, let's have a look, letting go of outcomes.
I can tell by the way some of you are recording what's happening, that you're
doing what pretty
much everyone does, which is you're attaching to the results of your behavior,
what we'd
call the outcomes, specifically the reactions from other people.
If you really want to become socially abundant and confident, you have to focus
more on what
you're doing, not how they're reacting.
If you have your kind of enjoyment of this process attached to how other people
are reacting
to you, you're not going to survive.
It's not sustainable.
That's when you can start thinking of being rejected and all sorts of things
like that.
It's really important that all you're measuring is what you did, what values
you had to live
by to do it, how you're proud of yourself for doing it.
That's it.
How other people react is almost irrelevant.
There's some information in there, but not much.
Just tells you how that one person felt about you doing it this one time at
that time of
the day.
It's really not helpful information.
I've seen a couple of you, which I liked, you know, you hit some sort of speed
bump,
you tried to do something, the world didn't cooperate with you in some way.
You know, maybe you tried to go to an event and then it got cancelled or tried
to reach
out to someone they didn't get back to.
What I love to see with my favorite thing is you want to try it again.
That's very, very important.
Assume that you're going to have a low so-called success rate.
If I go and talk to 100 strangers on the street, it might be that only two or
three of them
actually want to talk to me.
That might be the rate.
I can't measure their reaction as to how well I'm doing.
I could do 30 in a row and get bad reactions and it doesn't actually tell me
anything about
myself.
I just got 30 people who don't want to talk to someone right now.
If I go to some dance class or a cooking class and I don't like any of the
people there,
that doesn't mean anything.
I just got to go find another class.
I just chose the wrong class.
You've got people who are going to be a good fit for you and people who aren't
and there's
far more people who aren't than are.
You can get along or right with a lot of people, but really good fit where you
can be yourself
and they love you for it.
Think of that as rare so you're going to have to repeat these kinds of
exercises frequently
to find those few people.
Once you find those people, they'll stay on your life probably forever if you
maintain
the boundaries of the relationship.
It's not as overwhelmingly negative as it might seem.
If I say only 1% of people like you, well if you were to go and meet 500 people
, which
sounds like a lot, but you only need to go and say hi and see what happens.
By the end of that 500, you've got a tight circle of five friends who are loyal
to you
for life.
It's kind of a game over.
You've found everything you need.
So you've got to let go of these reactions from other people because the
success rates
of you being authentic, that is the rates of people who like you back the same
as you
like them and you're a good fit.
Expect that to be low.
You're looking for gold, not just digging up anything.
Attached to what you're doing rather than how they're reacting.
Obviously some of you are struggling with this, I know there's a lot of lurkers
.
There's a lot of people who aren't actively participating in a joke, but they
're watching.
Maybe they're doing some stuff secretly on their own.
And then I see others who are doing a challenge and they're finding the limits
of their courage.
They're hitting some struggles and everybody's got their limits.
I used to be scared of all the things that are in this challenge.
It would be a breeze for me to do them now, frankly, because I've done this so
often,
because I've built my courage.
Anybody else can do that.
I'm not special.
I was just as scared as any of you.
I've had the highest levels of social anxiety a person can have, I'm sure of
that.
If you need more support, please get in touch.
If you can't do this all on your own, you don't have to.
There are various levels of support that I can offer.
I've got the Brotherhood Group, very affordable, great way to get support to
build this.
There's all sorts of ways that I can help you here.
Because if your social success is really important to you, if you really want
to be socially
skilled and confident and have a great social circle, then put the effort in
and invest in
it.
Get the support you need, put aside time in your calendar to make this a
priority and
smash it out.
And within sort of six to 12 months, this may no longer be a problem for you
for the rest
of your life.
Really.
Depending on how socially anxious you are, you can solve this.
You can get to a point where socializing is easy and fun for you and you're
confident
that you could drop yourself in a city anywhere in the world and within a
couple of months
have an abundant social life and you'll never lose that skill set or that
courage.
So if you're really serious about this, please get in touch and I'll show you
how to accelerate
that progress.
Now, thank you guys for tolerating that.
When I missed the call yesterday, there was just a total gaff on my part.
If you guys are going to come to the call with your Q&A and you missed it,
please.
You can send through your questions any time.
If you have any questions relating to this challenge, any troubleshooting you
want me
to help you with, just get in touch and I'll help you with it.
Okay.
Alrighty.
Well, no one else has shown up, so I'll finish it up here with the next
challenge.
Alright.
So this one is going to be, whatever we go, we've got a few points available
here.
So this challenge is very simple.
You are going to invite someone into your life.
Alright.
Now, this is somebody who you have not hung out with one to one before.
Alright.
There could be someone you see a lot, maybe they're at your work, maybe they're
at one
of your hobbies.
That doesn't have to be a brand new stranger, though I'll give you double
points if you
do.
But one of the key elements to building a social life is to take someone from
the safe environment
where you hang out and bring them into your world.
Okay.
It's what I call the invitation.
So if there's someone you always see at the dance class you get along with, it
would
be inviting them to spend time with you outside of dancing.
Alrighty.
Someone at work that you get along with, invite to spend time with you outside
of work, preferably
time with you doing something that's you.
This doesn't have to be big and complicated.
You could just be going for a coffee, going for a walk, even meeting up at the
supermarket
and doing your grocery shopping together.
Don't overthink this as to how special the event needs to be.
The key thing is learning how to take someone from the group setting where you
're comfortable
with each other to a one-on-one where you're now technically getting into a
friendship that's
just about the two of you.
Alright.
Very, very important skills there.
It builds on the previous exercise of filling a calendar with social events and
they're starting
a conversation with somebody and having conversations with just statements.
All of this works together to create a formula for building friendships.
Let's say you dropped into a new city.
In that new city you find three or four social events each week to go to.
It might be classes, it might be activities, it might be events, farmers'
market, it doesn't
matter.
You go with these things that you think that you would like.
When you're there you initiate a conversation with someone to introduce
yourself.
Don't think I've met you before, I've danced, so long, right?
Then you have a conversation with them where you just use statements and you
speak to them
like they're already your friend and it builds that familiarity and rapport
really quickly.
Maybe that time you just go out and see you here next time you make a point to
find them
next time you show up at the next week of the class and then if you guys are
really
clicking and you say well why don't we go for a coffee after the class and you
take them
out of the class and into your life and that is how fucking simple it is to
make a friend.
That's the formula.
Alright.
I've done this thousands of times, anybody can do this.
Alright.
And if you've ever thought like how on earth do you make friends that, that's
how.
That's the whole formula right there.
Now you go to the group thing, you initiate, build rapport, you invite them out
of the
group thing.
If you guys like each other you'll keep seeing each other, that's it.
That's how simple it is.
So I want you to practice the stage now of inviting someone out of the group or
the safe
environment.
It could even be a family member that you just realize you've never been one to
one with.
You might even have a great circle of friends who you hang out all the time but
you notice
it's always in the group and you don't have a one to one with somebody.
So you get five points if you make the invitation and you just screenshot or
describe it depending
on how it was done in the comments, get your five points and then fifteen
points if the
two of you actually do meet up to their one to one.
Okay.
Alright.
Keep going with the challenge.
With more than halfway through now it will get a bit more, so much more
difficult but
bolder.
We're going to get into more leadership stuff as we wrap up the challenge so
taking people
bring them into your life, organizing things, leading to give you that social
abundance
ability where you don't need to wait for anybody else.
You do all the work, you get the rewards right.
Thank you guys so much for participating and finish up the leaderboard as it
currently
stands.
few people
nipping at their heels.
Alright.
See you guys next time.
Cheers.
13:11
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6 comments
30 Day Challenge: Week 2 Live Call (challenge #8)
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