Something beautiful happened this weekend. Really beautiful. There was connection, lightness, joy. And then, at the end, something heavy came up. Tears. Collapse. Silence after. It stayed in the room longer than the laughter did. And I noticed how quickly the mind wants to focus on that one hard moment, as if it suddenly defines everything that came before. I felt how easy it would be to replay it, to analyze it, to carry it around. And at the same time I saw that the whole experience was still bigger than that one crack in it. It made me realize how careful we have to be with our attention. Where it rests shapes how we remember, how we feel, how we move forward. Pain deserves space, yes. But it does not deserve the throne. Attention is quiet power. And maybe it is the only thing that is truly ours to guide.

https://www.vincentvangogh.org/a-pair-of-shoes.jsp There are stairs in the shadow (that may lead up or down), and there is an ouroboros. The shoe on the right (the left foot) grapples with both its laces at the ouroboros (with a thorny/spiky tail) and has what seems to me a scorpion crawling into it. I see the right shoe (the one on the left) pointing at the ouroboros while a shadow emerges from it looking at the stairs (it looks to me like No Face Mask of the Spirited Away movie, i saw him when i noticed the tiny white hand grappling the edge of the interior of the shoe ), and the shoe looks kinda weary in contrast to the more erect posture of the left shoe. The ouroboros is brightly lit while the stairs are in the shadow. Hidden but there. while the shoes are giving ther back to a Veil (the upmost part of the painting). I find all this very Symbolic and pointing to a Way i find most Dear. If you too are seeing this and it picked your curiosity I'd like to share more of what it means to me for if we see the same Way we are Brothers and Sisters 🥰🙏🤜🫠

I attach to people and things. I become emotionally invested, have fears about being without them and not feeling whole. I am grieving a relationship. We still live together right now which is needed for my financial safety. We lived together as girlfriend and boyfriend for about a year. I keep walking in on him watching porn and he has been speaking to me very condescending and in degrading ways. He used to do this when we were together too. I have really had a lot of love for him even when I’ve had to place really strong boundaries or when I fought in the relationship to express to him how the way he was treating me was hurting me. He just totally disconnects, is passive aggressive and very disruptive, stomping, making noise, ignoring and making co-habituating difficult. I am looking for some perspective to help me let go but also help me cultivate compassion for him and a broader understanding. Something that can really open my heart to just let him be and be truly warm towards myself and him right now. I feel deeply that perspective could help me find peace.

How can you co-exist with the realization of your ego and a higher spiritual plane without feeling like you are submitting to illusion? What I mean by this is the idea that ego is just a culmination of ever changing patterns and beliefs that are often skewed by bias and pride/false pride so on and so fourth… The higher spiritual plane helps to relieve me of the “human” experience… relief from suffering. I am not the body or the mind and I don’t have opinions…. sort of thing. My idea was that maybe I could just consciously know I am participating in a egoic or subjective frame as a choice to be able to function and be within the task identity related until the activity is over, then go back to beingness (higher plane). It’s feels very uncomfortable for me to imagine myself try to find some balance and like consent or be cool with being in an “idea” much of the time. I wonder if anyone has identified a peaceful but practical method to be hyper aware and also not totally disconnected from the human, value position. This all feels like inception but I just try to express myself the best I can, I hope this make sense.

Here we are again… lol… I keep finding myself here… I would like to know other people’s view on the ego, if it is useful or helpful, where does it become a problem or whatever else feels significant to express about this topic. I just started to explore different beliefs on the ego, self and just read on Freud. I guess I am curious to explore more about this since my awareness has grown of my own thoughts - I am experiencing not taking on the identity of my beliefs or thought but rather observing them and wondering if things could be integrated in a way that is healthy and skillful.