Why do I lie about stupid things. I will be asked a simple question like did you do this and I will immediately say yes when in reality I know I did not. I will recognize that I lied realize I am wrong and still defend the lie, like it is a joke. Eventually I will tell the truth because I am a bad lier and the quilt devouers me but at that point I have already defended it like it's the truth, that it's hard to tell if it is or not. Right as the person is believing me I tell the truth crushing the trusted bond that we had. Its extremely annoying and hard to come back from. Every time I take a step forward I fall right back and repeat the step sending me right back to the beginning. It's hard looking into the persons eyes that you love the most and realize they won't ever trust you the same again, who would. I know the only thing to do is to be honest and if I tell a lie to immediately own up to it. To any believers how do I continue in a life where I will do good and change my ways for a little maybe even an extraordinary long period of time just to know I am not going to be perfect and I am going to fail again. I don't understand.

Mental load is 'just' one of our issues. Admittedly I hadnt heard of the word up until a couple of weeks ago. I have had a huge number of eye-openers since. Trying to do better, lots better, but often stumbling on things I call 'partials': eg packing our son's snackbox for school, having everything covered and then stupidly missing out on the llttle fork for those chunks of fruit. I now have an awful lot more 'mental Post-its' than before, but realize how short I have fallen and just how non-contributing I have been... Our bigger concern is that there was emotional infidelity on my side and resentment on both that and mental load seem to reinforce eachother (not to mention the viciously painful fights). A seeming 'detail' in mental load can sometimes spiral out of control and become the somanieth lets sign the papers cause... I realize I may drift off topic slightly with this. Is there anyone who has similar experience? Ways of constructively and empathetically adressing it? Thanks in advance, have a great weekend.

Kia Ora from Christchurch New Zealand. Married for 10, 1 daughter 9y/o. Here because I want learn more about the invisible and emotional load my wife carries to break the three month cycle we are in where everything feels great until the wheels fall off. I resolve to do better and do…things are great for a while but over time I guess my standards slip and the wheels fall off again

Hello! I'm a 32 year old from Nebraska. I'm really excited about this journey to help learn my partners true mental load. We have been together going on 3 years, married for just under a year now. Throughout our time together, we have done a ton of work. We started with couples therapy as a foundation to our relationship. Over the years, my partner has talked more and more about the mental load to things. Not just with household tasks but with the emotional load as well. I'm not the best with knowing my emotions or emotional intelligence at that, but I am learning and have grown a lot in the area and am proud of the progress I've made. We have 4 children, 1 of which is our own and the others are a combination of hers and mine. We both view all of the kids as our kids, so no worries on that end! I am a law enforcement administrator and currently a full time student studying for my pre law degree! Things I want to get from the community: 1. A community of other men in the same position as I 2. Ideas and literature on growth opportunities 3. People to call me on my wrong doings when I am falling short. Things my partner fell in love with me for: 1. My humor 2. My confidence 3. My parenting ability.

Howdy, I'm Josh, married 13 years, living in Alberta, Canada with our 6year-old son, 2 cats, & 2 dogs. Got here after getting called out by some tiktoks that hit too close to home. Hoping to take the steps to break the loop.