I can remember a conversation I had with somebody about 4 years ago. This conversation in particular was so memorizing for me because it made me mad. And as we all know, strong emotions make you remember things way better and detailed. Why did I get mad? Because I knew exactly, that the other person used a cheap excuse to get out of the conversation. She said "Well it was nice meeting you, I have to go right now because I have to eat something". Well, maybe it was not really a cheap excuse. Maybe, she really was hungry and wanted to eat something. What made me mad was not the fact, that she (maybe) used an excuse to get out of the conversation. What made me mad is the fact, that she made it look like she had no chioce, and therefore it was not her fault that our conversation was apruptly stopped and it was not her fault, that she left me hanging right in the middle of the conversation. "I HAVE TO go right now because I HAVE TO eat something" In that moment I thought to myself: "You know damn well, that you don't HAVE TO, but you just WANT TO. There's no law, or no rule, or no god, telling you that you have to. Take the fucking responsibility that is yours and own your faults" (like I said, I was mad). And to this day, I think my thoughts weren't wrong. If you say "I have to", when in reality you just "want to" that's being dishonest to yourself (I thought about using the word "lying" instead of "being dishonest to yourself", but most of the time, lying is more intentional and people don't intentionally say "I have to" instead of "I want to"). Being honest to yourself is "I want to go, because I want to eat something" If she had said that, I probably wouldn't have been so mad. If somebody said something like that to me today, I'd even say "well that's said but thank you for your honesty". (Most of the time, people intuitively know anyways when something is just a cheap excuse and when somebody is telling the truth) What I like about using "I want to" instead of "I have to", is:

There have been many different things lingering on my mind recently. I believe they are inteconnected and I want to talk about them. Let's start with 1. Nostalgia A word and a feeling that has accompanied me for amazingly long, but especially since this journey for meaning started. Derived from the greek words for "homecoming" (nóstos) and "pain" (àlgos) it originally described a medical condition prominent in Swiss mercenaries fighting away from home. However in modern use the word has transcended it's original definition in many ways, defined more generally as a sentimental longing for the past, a specific period of time, memory or place associated with happy memories. This is what I mean when I say I'm having nostalgic thoughts. 2. Comparison is the Thief of Joy. That is a saying I've heard at some point in my life that has stuck with me. Every now and again I come to think of it. Especially in moments I might need it. I have a tendency to compare myself to everybody else. People on Social Media, people in my bubble, people in uni etc. That might be an isolated problem and perhaps would make for an interesting post in itself, but it is not what I want to discuss here. I feel one thing I often compare myself with is my own past. The way I lived, the things I did, the people I knew and the way I treated these relationships. There's things I miss, that I used to have and now I don't. People, places, activities but most of all the feeling I get when thinking about it. I know it sounds corny but it feels like a warm evening at the end of summer with the sun slowly setting and the bright colors of sunset lingering after it did. It feels like the last day of a vacation, talking to all the people you met, for one last time, knowing fully well that you will never talk again. And it feels like the last time the friend group hung out as if it were forever, without anyone knowing that this is where the common path ends and you'll only be seeing one or the other every now and again. If I think of these moments (those were descirptions yes, but actual moments from my life too) and try to compare them to my daily life today, there is no comparison to be made. These memories, good as they are, make today seem grey.

Today, I want to talk about just one tool, everybody can use in their day-to-day life, that makes it easier to commit to something: The principle of burning a ship. First: what is "burning a ship"? ---------Historical context:---------- In the 16th century, the Aztech empire (todays Mexico) was conquered by the spanish under the lead of Hernán Cortés. Despite the incredible disadvantage in manpower, Hernán and his crew managed to conquer the Aztechs. Many factors played a role in conquering the empire such as never seen illnesses for the Aztechs and a weapon advantage of the spanish. But the one particular aspect I want to focus on is the following: Before going on land, Hernán BURNT ALL THE SHIPS he and his crew came with to America. What he did there is, he forced himself and his crew to succeed, by denying an option to retreat. "Either this or nothing" So naturally, the commitment of him and his crew was over the top, because there was no going back. ----------------------- So "burning a ship" just means: ---> Not giving yourself the option to retreat. (Or at least having a hard punishment if you do) This is such a strong tool. If you don't have an option to retreat, HOW HIGHT WOULD THE CHANCE BE FOR YOU TO DO THE THING, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER OPTION, OTHER THAN DOING IT? pretty high, right? ---------------------When to burn a ship?------------------ It's a strong tool and it's use can be seen best, when you really just aren't able to use any tools, tricks or willpower to do the thing. Obviously you can use it in other scenarios as well. -------------- How to burn a ship?--------------------- --> Think of every possible way to force you to do something. Here are some examples: - GIVE YOURSELF A BIG PUNISHMENT IF YOU DON'T DO THE THING: Give a person, that really loves you 50Fr. and tell them, they only should give the 50Fr. back to you, if you finish xyz until abc. The trick is, that the other person has to love you (or at least really mean well to you) and really only give the 50Fr. back, when you actually do it. A person, who doesn't care for you as much will just give you the 50Fr. back anyways. - HAVE A WORD OF IRON: Yup, once again I use this technique. If you have a word of Iron and everything you say, you will actually do, just simply by saying a thing, you burnt a ship. And for a person, who doesn't have a word of iron: Make a promise. - (if possible) DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF AN OPTION TO RETREAT: For example, if you have to go to the doctor, make a call and an appointment. That way you're not really able to retreat. (You can basically retreat from anything with a big punishment, but that would go into the "give yourself a big punishment" category. But I still think, that there are scenarios, that you just simply are not able to skip or retreat from.)

my Goal this week was to find out what I want. it wasnt easy. What I want when? Now? In 3 years? In a decade? I answered this 48 question sheet where I went over every question. The sheet wanted me to talk about what I want to have and be in 3 to 5 years from know. Sounds solid. I could Imagine what I would be like and what things I would want to have in 3 to 5 years. well it was tough it took me more than 3 hours to answer all the questions. I wrote 11 pages of google docs. 11 pages of ANSWERS. The questions were about things like: What do you want to love to have? Where do you want to live?What do you want to have achieved? Who are the top 5 most important people in your life? WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE? The plan was to upload the 48 questions to CHAT GPT and let it generate a movie typed Day in a life of my future self. I uploaded the questions. Gave Chat GPT a framework how to write. Set the duration to "thinking" (so chat would put more effort into it iI guess) 16s later... I am now a proud owner of a story in my future life. I waited a day until I read the day in a life. lets call it "DIAL" so I wont have to spell it everytime. I read the DIAL on the train ride to uni. I got pretty emotional. At one point I thought I was going to cry. It was an experience. Some things were off in the DIAL while other things felt like a promise to myself. Things I could grab. ACHIEVABLE. That was two days ago. my GF said that it was nice but where is the benefit. I saw it too It was a Story, a Tale, a sketch of what COULD be. She asked me if I know what to do right now. What business I want to start. If the business will get me to my DIAL? I said: "I dont know?" well f*ck... 3h and 11 pages down the drain. maybe its about knowing what you DONT want. I thought to myself. I study CS. CS has alot of math. NOW life isnt always logic. BUUUUUTTT..... Knowing what you DONT want might help... but it doesnt imply that you will know what you want. Ther is an infinite number of things you could want. You would have to know infinite -1 things you dont want, to figure out what the 1 thing you want is.

------------------------TRUSTING YOURSELF---------------------- What does that even mean, to "trust yourself"? I can only give you my model of trusting yourself (Which I think is far from perfect): You are your own Boss and you are your own worker. Work you give yourself, that you want to take care of: That's your [boss you], giving work to your [worker you]. Work you complete for yourself: That's your [worker you], working for your [boss you]. In a practical example: You say to yourself "I want to eat an apple today". That's your [boss you], giving your [worker you] the job to eat an apple today. And eventually doing it, that's your [worker you], doing the job, that your [boss you] gave you. So if your [boss you] gives your [worker you] a task, how little and short it may be: Does your [boss you] trust your [worker you], that he/she will finish the job in the frame given? That trust, that your [boss you] has for your [worker you], that's your trust you have in yourself. So, do you trust yourself? (Btw, Jordan Peterson once said "You are a bad worker and a worse boss". This quote has not really anything to do with this topic here but I still wanted to mention it because it's so true and it fits into those roles. Most of the times, we are lazy bitchasses ([worker you]) and then we even punish ourselves badly ([boss you]) for being lazy bitchasses instead of motivating, helping to improve, etc..) -------------------------------BEING HONEST WITH YOURSELF---------------------- The same "[boss you]-[worker you]" principle goes for being honest with yourself as well. How honest your [worker you] is to your [boss you], that's how honest you are to yourself. In a practical example: You don't finish your task in time and now you tell yourself: "That's because of the ... and I had no time and yadayadayada", when in reality you absolutely had time, but just no fucking desire to do the task. That's your [worker you], lying to your [boss you]. And your boss you knows it and punishes your [worker you] by being mean. That's what we call "being harsh on yourself".