There have been many different things lingering on my mind recently. I believe they are inteconnected and I want to talk about them. Let's start with 1. Nostalgia A word and a feeling that has accompanied me for amazingly long, but especially since this journey for meaning started. Derived from the greek words for "homecoming" (nóstos) and "pain" (àlgos) it originally described a medical condition prominent in Swiss mercenaries fighting away from home. However in modern use the word has transcended it's original definition in many ways, defined more generally as a sentimental longing for the past, a specific period of time, memory or place associated with happy memories. This is what I mean when I say I'm having nostalgic thoughts. 2. Comparison is the Thief of Joy. That is a saying I've heard at some point in my life that has stuck with me. Every now and again I come to think of it. Especially in moments I might need it. I have a tendency to compare myself to everybody else. People on Social Media, people in my bubble, people in uni etc. That might be an isolated problem and perhaps would make for an interesting post in itself, but it is not what I want to discuss here. I feel one thing I often compare myself with is my own past. The way I lived, the things I did, the people I knew and the way I treated these relationships. There's things I miss, that I used to have and now I don't. People, places, activities but most of all the feeling I get when thinking about it. I know it sounds corny but it feels like a warm evening at the end of summer with the sun slowly setting and the bright colors of sunset lingering after it did. It feels like the last day of a vacation, talking to all the people you met, for one last time, knowing fully well that you will never talk again. And it feels like the last time the friend group hung out as if it were forever, without anyone knowing that this is where the common path ends and you'll only be seeing one or the other every now and again. If I think of these moments (those were descirptions yes, but actual moments from my life too) and try to compare them to my daily life today, there is no comparison to be made. These memories, good as they are, make today seem grey.

Doing it last minute isn't really how I imagined writing my post this week. I had many opportunities and loads of ideas to share. It's not that I didn't want to do it (overall, hence I'm doing it now) but I always found a working excuse for myself. Day to day until the deadline is 5 minutes away. I'm ashamed to type these few uninspired words 4 minutes before the call starts but I've made my bed and I must lie in it now. Doing things last minute was a problem of mine ever since highschool. When you learn that even if you don't give a fuck and without effort everything works out fine somehow, in the end, it does something to your discipline. It is one of my greatest struggles and something I want to change the most about myself. But I'm just that good at finding excuses for myself. A tragedy.

I was in WK for the past two weeks and I will be for another. Days are long, true free time is seldom and alone time even more so. It is impossible to keep up with everything uni related and daily tasks are annoying me at times. But despite the downsides there is no reason to be upset. It is currently work enough to stay on top of everything and to get the WK over efficiently. Some things are out of my control and I must adjust for them but I shouldn't be mad about rules everyone needs to follow. They inconvenience me now and they inconvenience others at other times. Even if the set boundaries of what is and what isn't possible have shifted for these three weeks, it doesn't mean that *everything* is out of my control. Moments like these are important to realize, they feel like a quiet buyback of power. Even if most of my daytime is occupied by one of two external forces (Military daily business or keeping up with uni), there is still room for progress. Building little habits, little consistencies. I didn't floss everyday. But I did more often than I did the weeks before the WK started. I didn't journal everyday. But I started to appreciate the quiet moments I have for myself and cherishing them with an entry. Especially journaling truly helped me during the WK. It has helped in the past but the newly acquiered consistency is something I'm proud of. Giving shape to a fog of thought, giving a bad feeling a name (and thus a face) and remembering things that went right, and moments that felt good. It feels like a truly good routine to integrate into my life and I plan to continue it in a similar manner once the WK is over. I mean to say it again as a conclusion. Even if things go south at the moment, be it due to external factors or things out of your control or even one's own failing. I am inspired to say there's room for positive change. But (and I tell this to myself) remember, being annoyed when the daily streak is lost or realizing it is just not possible to fulfill one's own (even small) expectations isn't failure. I wouldn't insult a man for not flossing everyday, so I shouldn't insult myself for the same reason either. It isn't failure, but a confirmation that the path being walked is the right one, I'm just not quite at the finish line yet.

I find myself wanting to write this post about several things. I chose to make this post some kind of "thought release" for myself and perhaps something that also could benefit the reader. I decided to adress (once again) social media. The thing that makes all of us more connected online, but less connected in real life. "You are what you eat". Everybody knows the saying and its meaning. Your body can only build off of the things you feed it. If you feed your body shit, shit is the only thing your body can feed off of. So care about it and eat healthy foods and you'll have a healthier body. Now what I've been thinking more about lately: The same principle applies to your mind as well. If you consume shit for your mind (porn, brainrot, ragebaiting politics,...), your mind and thoughts will shift your focus on those things and will build your unconsciousness of off those negative thoughts. And I think, most of the time, thats at least as unhealthy to your mind as a MC's meal is to your body. Added thought (not really important for my point but still interesting): --------------------------------------- Begin of thought The worst part about this is, that negative things tend do spread further/get more attention on social media than positive things, because our mind is made to detect negative things/threats. That's how we survived initially: by seeing threats and eliminating them. So you mix the fact, that negative messages spread further on social media AND that your mind (or at least part of it) is made out of what it consumes. We get a generation of unhealthy minded,- and politically more and more polarised people (because negative news are strongly being pushed on social media). And yet I find myself listing another negative thing about social media haha. ---------------------------------------------------- End of thought So what advantage can I pull from this thought process? If you want to diet for your body, there are mostly 2 things you start taking control over:

"Write about a small moment that makes life meaningful to you." was last weeks ToDo. 7 full days of experiences, meaningful moments and opportunities have passed, yet thinking back I cannot decide which was THE most meaningful moment. Of course, reformulating the question like that misses the point of the exercise entirely. It was never about the most profound new insight or the most interesting story, but to share a small moment of gratitude, of meaning. What I noticed again is, that it is a lot easier for me to contemplate and plan and think about all the different possible moments and ideas I could write about, than it is to take action. I had it in the back of my head for the better part of last week, knowing I wanted to write a post, thinking about how, but never actually starting to write until now. So even if this might not be a truly meaningful moment shared in the community, it showed me again how hard it is to take action, even if the task at hand might be no big deal. Perhaps that insight is meaningful enough too for starters.