Why you can miss someone toxic....
One of the most common things I hear in this space is: āWhy do I still miss them even though I know it was toxic?ā And I want to gently reframe that for you. Youāre not missing them in the way you think you are. You are responding to what your nervous system became familiar with. When connection is inconsistent, intense, or emotionally unpredictable, your system can attach to the pattern, not the person. It learns to associate longing, anxiety, and relief with ālove,ā even when it doesnāt feel good. So when you leave, itās not just emotional detachment thatās needed, its physiological. That pull you feel? That urge to go back? That mental loop?Thatās your nervous system trying to return to what it recognises. This is why healing can feel so confusing. Because you can know something isnāt right⦠and still feel drawn to it. In this space, weāre not trying to force ourselves to āmove on.āWeāre learning how to create safety within, so that whatās calm and consistent no longer feels unfamiliar. Curiousāhave you noticed this in your own experience? Tx