Was just having a phone call with my mum, trying to avoid certain things, as you do, was just checking in with her! So I ask her what you having for tea? She rambles off what she’s had all day to eat, finally gets to the answer.. don’t know what I fancy, might just have some eggy bread!! Don’t get me wrong, I do like eggy bread, haven’t had it for a while but remember getting it all the time as a child!! As someone who has ARFID certain foods or smells trigger me , mostly from childhood, I ask her why she fed us this all the time, sometimes with tomato sauce or as a pudding with jam? Her answer, it was real cheap, eggs and bread were pennies!! they got paid on a Friday, fed us crap then spent everything else in the pub, took a Chinese home for themselves while us kids were sleeping, you guys ate well in school didn’t you?? And they say us kids had a good life?? I don’t know the point of this post but it may explain why I very rarely eat on a Saturday night, if I do it usually crap!!

Derek (stepdad) & I don’t get on at all. Today when I went to visit mum with my brother, Derek declared that Xmas was cancelled. He’s had prostate cancer for years, but he was recently told it has spread. So he’s gonna have to go thru various unpleasant treatments. A friend of mine has just finished exactly the same treatments. TBH I don’t know how he’s made it thru as it made him so very poorly. So, here is the dilemma… mum needs looking after as she has dementia… & if Derek can’t look after her or himself… well, what happens then? My mind immediately went into “emergency rescue” mode, trying to work out a plan to help, to sort everything like I’ve always done in the past. But I didn’t say anything out loud. I stopped & listened to my thoughts & tuned in to how my body was feeling, felt little me panic & heard teen shouting about how he can go “do one”. But still I’ve remained silent. But I am watching & listening. Really need to stay connected with myself thru all this.

This week we lift up Lynne!!! I want to recognise her today and the input she has had on this group. She has shown this week that she can take her windfalls and treat herself first, also she has shown vulnerability in what she is experiencing with her family and still be prepared to stand in her frame. Well done Lynne, if you have the chance today send Lynne some love 🙌🏻🙏

Feel right bad…I stay close enough to my place of work to hear that the bloody alarms are going off , caretaker just left at 9pm. Normally I would just pop round and reset them but it’s cold, I’m tucked up cosy in my bed, I’ve just let my phone ring out .. I’m not responsible for resetting the one that’s going off …so why do I feel guilty..🙈

good afternoon, everyone, I hope you are all allowing yourself to feel what you feel today. tomorrow the inner teen course will be out. I want to take this time to thank you all here for taking time to connect back to you, and I absolutely love how much you guys are growing to live your own authentic lives. Healing isn't easy, taking responsibility for your feelings isn't easy, but you guys have, and its already showing in your own lives. so my external gratitude for you picking you. much love today guys! 🙏