A message I didnโt want to see...twice...34 years apart
I was 19. Sunburnt, barefoot, and reading playing cards on a towel at a student beach camp with my best friend. No one had taught me how. Iโd just known how to read since I was 14 โ pulling cards for fun, tossing out flirty predictions, making my friends gasp or giggle. But that day was different. I was reading for a guy weโd just met. And what came throughโฆ was bad. Not vague or symbolic. Clear. Heโs going to get hurt tonight. I shuffled the cards back in like nothing had happened. โItโs stupid,โ I told them. โJust a game.โ But they kept asking, so I told the truth, half-laughing to soften it: โWell, the cards say youโll get hurt. But never mind. Itโs dumb.โ That night, he was stabbed. He survived. But I didnโt pick up a deck for more than 25 years. Because knowingโฆ without knowing what to do with that knowing? Itโs a weight I wouldnโt wish on anyone. Eventually, Oracle Cards found me. Not Tarot โ that still felt too sharp, too final. But Oracle decks were different. Softer. Safer. More like a soul mirror than a verdict. Stillโฆ I clung to the guidebook at first. I didnโt trust what I heard. I wanted the โrightโ answer, not my own. Until the cards started speaking in a voice that sounded suspiciously like mine. And the messages I channeled were so weirdly specificโฆ they couldnโt be ignored. They were never in the booklet โ but they were always true. A little over two years ago, I decided to lean into learning Tarot, and while on a Zoom call with my teacher, I pulled a card that stopped me cold. The question was about my brother. The card? Ten of Swords. Sharp. Final. Unmistakable. But I didnโt want to see it. At the time, I told myself it meant heโd be exhaustedโฆ overwhelmed, maybeโฆ but heโd make it. Since I was on a call with my Tarot teacher when it happened โ itโs probably still somewhere recorded, but I canโt bring myself to listen to it. This March will mark two years. As many of you know, my brother tragically passed during that voyage. What most of you donโt knowโฆ is this piece of the story.