Hey everyone !! I hope that you guys are doing good with your lives . I wanna talk about something that's been bothering me to a very high extent . So , in my day-to-day life , I usually hide my spiritual / mental perspective from my parents because I still live with them and I know that if I show my " real self " , I will definitely get harmed . So , the day before yesterday Dad was scrolling and saw a " covered woman " , as they refer to them in the concept of religion , doing a TikTok live , walking outside and speaking He started to judge her and attack her and telling me this is not a woman , she's not polite ( the meaning of polite here is shrinking herself outside because men told her so ) , when I defended her , I was the one harmed ( mentally ) cuz I knew that deep down the goal of the whole conversation was to show how ( righteous ) he is and how that what I was talking about was an absolute trash though I know that it was pure patriarchal beliefs that he was tryna indoctrinate in my mind . He tried to religiously guilt trip me saying oh I doubt your religion . And of course what he used to reinforce his arguments " religion " , to make me fear the fact that a prophet or God said something misogynistic , I have to accept it because a holy person said so , without thinking or questioning whether it's trash or something logical . I had an anxiety attack because a boundary of mine was " abused " , and the fact that I couldn't escape the conversation . And you have my mother from the other side justifying and praising what he was saying to feed his ego more and more . He has done this whole thing yesterday too , and it was so hard for me to take , I had a lump in my throat ( but I didn't want to cry ) , I told him yes , it is okay if a woman is being herself outside , is yelling , calling someone she knows from a farm distance . The only goal was to indulge his beliefs intoy mind , when he really can't because I'm aware , I'm not a 15 year old anymore , I'm grown and I know what he's about .

What up guys ! I hope you're doing good How's life treating y'all ? I had a very bad day yesterday , and I am glad that I could control my mind today because it was messing with me all day . I am also mentally active and reflecting about some traumas I've been burying down for so long . Musically I'm perfecting my craft , even though the circumstances are not letting me to And yeah How's everyone ?

Basically theres this girl that I developed a bit of a crush on without knowing who she was. So to prioritize my peace I kicked her out of my mind cause I needed to focus on myself. Recently I’ve been seeing her a bit more and I want to try and spark something, anything. Ive been trying to get more comfortable with small talk so ive been talking to more people, ive been observing things and commenting on them. But I just freeze or do my own thing when its her, either she has nothing to comment on or I am afraid of just trying, I feel like im overthinking things. I tell my mind that i dont want to make it obvious i want to know her but isnt that exactly what I want? I want to try something, some people ive asked have said to just shoot the shot cause Ive got nothing to lose, others have said to not force anything, and others have said to kinds force something but dont make anything obvious. At this point its more about me than a connection, but hey a connection would be nice.

Hey everyone, I’ll try to keep this short and simple but basically I’m jus writing this out of an emergency…I don’t really have anyone I trust to finally admit this but I’ve been struggling with binging food alot & tbh I think is at a point now where I would call it a disorder. I’m not able to get a therapist or anything as much as I’d like to I don’t feel comfy getting one rn due to my home situation and yea like I said I don’t have anyone I trust enough to tell them what’s been going on without judgement so I can get help. Like for 3 weeks so far everything kinda been spiraling (expect for school lul) like my eating signals are super messed up, I completed stopped working out (sometimes I go on a walk or jog but I ruin it by binging junk again), and mentally I’m kinda in a roadblock as well and I’ve been wayy to much on my phone to and jus to into my head and I think I’ve also neglected my sleep for too long and😂I look like a zombie is bad. The point is, I want to change and soon because I don’t want whatever is going on with me to continue and I kinda wish I can tell someone about this but I jus don’t have anybody yk😂ik you guys are strangers but idk I feel like you guys have better energy then most people ik irl so maybe that’s why I feel comfy jus speaking out here instead. Anyways, i jus wanted to finally say it and admit that im doing very wrong and im not where I wanna be and the werid part is that I can’t stop ive tried and i still cant break my bad habits i dont get it why when I really do want to change (even if is hard to believe after all i wrote) is like my body wants to destroy me and my brain doesn’t understand why we aren’t working as a team anymore😂idk if that makes sense. All of this happened so suddenly to, I was doing so good a few weeks ago and idk what happened honestly.. I just want to get better and be even greater then I was last time and become stronger in any way, I don’t want to keep doing this to myself… I can do great things and be a good person despite my environment I’m in rn but I still want to make the most of it until I can finally move out and grow ever further yk. I feel like I can do it idk why I’m screwing around rn and why I just can’t stop when I really really want to.

This is my before. I'm struggling with physical and mental health. My positive is I'm showing up to work everyday, despite how I feel.