I hear this a lot, so let’s talk about it like real people. Yes — every human has moments of narcissism. We all have times where we: - want attention - get defensive - think we’re right - put our needs first - feel insecure and overcompensate That’s just being human. But here’s the difference: Normal narcissism is occasional and repairable. Meaning… you can look back and say, “Yeah, I didn’t handle that well. I’m sorry. ”You can care how your actions affected someone. You can grow. Harmful narcissistic behavior is a patten. It’s not a bad day. It’s a lifestyle. It’s repeated control, manipulation, guilt, gaslighting, and a total lack of accountability — and you’re always the one paying the emotional price. So when people say, “Well aren’t we all a little narcissist?”sometimes it’s true…but sometimes it’s used to minimize real abuse. Because there’s a massive difference between: “I was selfish in that argument.” and “I’ve spent years twisting your reality so I never have to face mine.” One is human.The other is harmful. And if you’re healing from narcissistic abuse, you’re not “too sensitive.”You’re not overreacting. You’re recovering from a pattern that trained your nervous system to live in survival mode.

When you’ve lived through narcissistic abuse, it’s easy to question everything — were they really a narcissist? Was it me? Did they have a disorder? Or were they just cruel? Okay so quick real-life breakdown because people use these words like they mean the same thing… and they don’t. When most of us say “narcissist”, we’re usually talking about someone who acts a certain way: - everything is about them - they don’t take accountability - they twist things to make you feel crazy - they need control - you feel drained, small, or constantly wrong around them It’s basically a behavior pattern like … “this person was emotionally unsafe for me.”That’s not a diagnosis. That’s just naming what you lived through. NPD is different.That’s Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is an actual mental health diagnosis. Only a professional can say someone has that. And not everyone who acts narcissistic has NPD. Some people just have strong traits, some people are toxic, some people are wounded and never healed it… whatever the reason, the behavior can still hurt you. Here’s the part I want you to hold onto: You don’t need a diagnosis to validate your experience.If someone repeatedly controlled you, gaslit you, or made you feel like love had to be earned — that’s real harm. Period. I used to get stuck trying to figure out what they were. But healing really started when I focused on what it did to me… and how I was going to take my power back.

You can’t logic your way out of trauma that was felt. Your healing lives in the body — the place your inner child still waits to be comforted. When you hold your own face, rock your body gently, or wrap yourself in a blanket, you’re doing something profound:You’re becoming the safe parent your nervous system always needed. You don’t have to earn safety anymore. You can give it to yourself now. When you picture your younger self, what does your body want to do — hold, comfort, or simply sit beside them?

I think of you sometimes—small, quiet, watching everything through eyes that were too big for a heart that had never been kept safe. You tried so hard, didn’t you?To be good enough, calm enough, invisible enough that maybe they’d love you right for once. No child should have to bargain for affection. No child should learn to read danger in the pauses of a parent’s breathing. No child should think they have to earn softness by swallowing their own pain. But you did. You learned to tiptoe. You learned to silence your tears before they formed. You learned that love could turn sharp without warning, and that your needs were “too much” even when you asked for nothing. I’m sorry no one protected you.I’m sorry you had to grow up in rooms where fear echoed louder than comfort.I’m sorry you mistook survival for being unworthy. But listen now. None of what happened was your fault. You weren’t difficult. You weren’t unloveable. You weren’t the reason they fell short. They failed you—and children are not supposed to carry the weight of a parent’s damage. You never deserved the blame they placed on your small shoulders. I see you now—your trembling hands, your brave little heart trying to make sense of cruelty you didn’t have the language for.And I want you to know:you were always good. You were always enough. You were always worthy of gentleness they never gave. I carry you with me still, not as a wound but as a promise:that I will be the protector you should’ve had, the softness you were denied, the voice that says you’re safe now. You survived what broke you. You grew beyond it.And I will never let anyone make you feel small again.

You know that numb feeling? That’s not apathy — that’s your body saying, “We’ve been through too much.” Freeze is the most misunderstood response. It’s your body’s last attempt at protection.But healing begins when you stop blaming yourself for not fighting harder, not leaving sooner, not “being stronger.” Gently move your body — stretch your fingers, roll your shoulders, hum softly. You’re reminding your What would it feel like to forgive your freeze response — to honor it for helping you ?