16d • General discussion
To the Child I Used to Be
I think of you sometimes—small, quiet, watching everything through eyes that were too big for a heart that had never been kept safe. You tried so hard, didn’t you?To be good enough, calm enough, invisible enough that maybe they’d love you right for once.
No child should have to bargain for affection. No child should learn to read danger in the pauses of a parent’s breathing. No child should think they have to earn softness by swallowing their own pain.
But you did. You learned to tiptoe. You learned to silence your tears before they formed. You learned that love could turn sharp without warning, and that your needs were “too much” even when you asked for nothing.
I’m sorry no one protected you.I’m sorry you had to grow up in rooms where fear echoed louder than comfort.I’m sorry you mistook survival for being unworthy.
But listen now.
None of what happened was your fault. You weren’t difficult. You weren’t unloveable. You weren’t the reason they fell short.
They failed you—and children are not supposed to carry the weight of a parent’s damage. You never deserved the blame they placed on your small shoulders.
I see you now—your trembling hands, your brave little heart trying to make sense of cruelty you didn’t have the language for.And I want you to know:you were always good. You were always enough. You were always worthy of gentleness they never gave.
I carry you with me still, not as a wound but as a promise:that I will be the protector you should’ve had, the softness you were denied, the voice that says you’re safe now.
You survived what broke you. You grew beyond it.And I will never let anyone make you feel small again.
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To the Child I Used to Be
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