As of writing this, I only have one real reference point for this. With the last guy I dated, I did not fully relax in the beginning. I was looking for the intense beginning I was used to experiencing. When that did not happen, thankfully, Dionna was there to redirect my attention. Dionna also helped me recognize where I was trying to over-function. At the time, I did not know that was what I was doing. I thought I was just doing what I had always done. I do not think I rejected the care or consistency, but I did notice that I did not know how to fully allow him to help me. That is something I want to be mindful and intentional about with the next man I date. Safe love does not feel like butterflies in my stomach. For me, that is anxiety. Safe love feels peaceful, steady, and not intense. Safe love allows room for mistakes, repair, patience, and kindness. Love is human. It is not performance-based.

If healthy, aligned love showed up this month, I do not think I would struggle to recognize peace anymore because I know what it feels like now. I know what it feels like to be around someone and feel soft, unforced, and emotionally at ease. The part of me that may still struggle is receiving that peace without bracing for it to shift, and reciprocating without overextending once I feel attached. I can receive love, but I am still expanding my capacity for steady love after vulnerability. I can give love well, and my growth is giving from softness instead of overextension.

If the kind of man I say I want showed up this week, I do believe I would be able to recognize him. I have confused chemistry with compatibility in the past. I have also learned that chemistry alone is not enough to build something safe, steady, and aligned. At this stage of my life, I am clear on my non-negotiable. The first is emotional safety and integrity. The relationship must feel emotionally safe, honest, respectful, consistent, accountable, and grounded in mutual care. The second is mutual growth and aligned partnership. Both people must be self aware, spiritually grounded, emotionally responsible, committed to growth, aligned in values, and intentional about building a peaceful, loving, purpose filled life together.

My husband’s presence honors who I am. Being covered allows me to feel safe, supported, and cherished. Being helped allows me to rest in my power with more ease. Marriage invites me to be seen, valued, and fully present. It invites me to become more whole, more supported, and more fully myself. When love comes, I expand. I become more of who I was always meant to be.

Softness is not the same as self-abandonment. Silence can be wisdom. Compromise can be maturity. Flexibility can be safety. Love does not require me to dominate the room to prove I still exist. I can make space for another person while staying connected to my own truth, needs, desires, and voice. I can remain open, soft, flexible, and deeply connected to myself.