2.1 drop: Intention · The Expanse

2.1 drop: Intention

I really struggle with intention. I'm learning, so

tell me if I'm wrong...it is the pause between awareness and action. Where I realize something and before I jump into action/reaction I need to pause and make sure I'm heading in the right direction. Gonna go religious here...A big part of Christ's teaching is to repent and often organized religion uses shame and fear and you come to believe that repentance is about apologizing and feeling remorse. I've learned that the real meaning of repentance is course correction. I was a missionary in Chile for 2 years and in Spanish they would say "I was on the way to the store and I repented because I forgot my wallet" After I'd heard it a while I really looked at the definition and meaning and my eyes were opened considerable. Christ doesn't command us to constantly be shamed and remorseful, rather He's telling us to consistently correcting our course towards truth and light. In the ManOS language you could almost say Christ wants us to make sure that we are consistently intentional in all we do. Making sure our direction and energy is in the direction we choose it to be; to act and not be acted upon.

This is difficult for me. I'm wired to react, fix, do...to pause is hard for me. In my current OS, hesitation = doubt; doubt = weakness. Decisiveness is a trait men should have; don't be 'wishy washy' "make a decision, man!". I need to rewrite this code in me: pausing IS being decisive. Intention can be as simple and looking inward and saying does this feel right? Why am I heading in this direction? is it out of intention and what I want? or out of fear...too often my direction is out of fear "what will they think of me" "What if I fail"...

Cody (Not sure your full name so I can't tag you) on our call this week said something that really helped me to be able to get into a better intentional mindset this week. Since then, when I'm feeling anything other than joy, I can ask myself "am I where I am supposed to be?" because too often I ask "am I where I think I *should* be...or...where my wife wants me to be...or a client...or an employee" If I am where I'm supposed to be then nothing else really matters. Things will work out for me if I just BE where I am supposed to BE. I guess this all plays into the attributes of violence. I've realized much of my issues stem from a need to control chaos by any means necessary and the easiest and most reliably is to worry about everything else around me before myself. So its hard for me to be intentional because it feels selfish to choose my own peace before the peace of those around me. I am where I'm supposed to be. It may not be the right place in 30 minutes, but for now it is.

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