Hey Superparents, Has your child ever asked, "Who's picking me up today?" That question can land like a punch to the gut, making us wonder if we're doing something wrong. But let's look at it through their eyes. It’s rarely about a favorite parent. It's about their brain trying to build a mental map to feel safe and prepared. Imagine having to switch between two different countries every few days—each with its own rules, routines, and culture. That's what our kids navigate. They aren't trying to create stress; they are trying to manage the stress of being in the middle. Our role is to be their safe harbor—a place of love, no questions, and no judgment. This need for a "mental map" is deeply rooted in child development. According to child development experts, predictability is a cornerstone of a child's sense of security. An article from the Child Mind Institute on anxiety explains that when children don't know what to expect, their brains can perceive it as a threat, activating the nervous system's stress response. This can show up as anxiety, irritability, or clinginess. They aren't trying to be difficult; their brains are hardwired to seek safety through routine. By giving them a clear, predictable structure, we are directly helping to calm their nervous system. The best way to provide that structure is to create simple visual cues. A visual schedule is a game-changer because it takes the mental load off your child. They no longer have to hold the entire complex schedule in their head. Here are a few simple ideas: - A Color-Coded Calendar: Get a simple monthly calendar and use two different colored markers or stickers—one for your days and one for their other parent's days. Let them help you fill it out. - A Weekly Chart: Create a chart for the week with simple icons for school, activities, and a picture of you or their other parent for each day. This simple tool empowers your child. They can just look and know what's coming next, giving them a sense of control in a world that can often feel unpredictable.

Hey Superparents, Have you ever felt a pull from your old self? That echo of the person you were before the healing, before the boundaries, before you truly understood your own strength? Becoming a single parent after a divorce or major life change isn't just a new chapter; it's the beginning of a whole new identity. The journey to heal and rediscover yourself is one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but it forges a new, more resilient you. If you're in the middle of the struggle right now, trust us: you will get through this, and one day you'll look back with pride at how far you've come. There's a powerful psychological concept for this transformation called Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG). According to psychologists, a life crisis can shatter our old beliefs about the world and ourselves. This forces us to rebuild from the ground up. An article in the Harvard Business Review on the topic explains: "PTG is not simply a return to baseline — it is a process that leaves people better off than they were before." It’s the process of becoming a new person not in spite of the struggle, but because of it. That stronger, wiser person you've become? That's your Post-Traumatic Growth in action. Even as this powerful new you, you'll face tests. You might be tempted to lower a hard-won boundary for what looks like a quick win or an "accomplishment." This is the critical moment. Ask yourself: "Does this align with the person I have worked so hard to become?" If the answer is no, then it's not an accomplishment—it's a step backward into a cage you've already escaped. It's tempting, but staying true to your new self-worth is non-negotiable. The discomfort you feel standing your ground is temporary. That feeling isn't a crisis; it's the feeling of growth. It's not easy, but you are not on this journey alone. You have a whole community right here to support you and cheer you on. You've got this, because you are a Superparent. 💪

Hey Superparents, Ever get that text from your co-parent that makes your stomach drop? 😟 One minute you're enjoying your time, and the next you're reading a message that questions your parenting. That comment can linger, sparking self-doubt and frustration, and stealing the joy from your moments with your kids. It's okay to feel that way, but let's be crystal clear about the truth: You love your children, and you are doing what is best for them. As a solo parent, you're already juggling a million things. You don't have to juggle a co-parent's need for control. While some concerns are genuine, in high-conflict situations, they are often a bid to disrupt your peace. So let’s shift our mindset from "co-parenting" to Parallel Parenting. This is a powerful strategy where you parent alongside each other, not together. You intentionally disengage from the drama to create a calm, consistent, and stable world for your child. The #1 rule? Your House, Your Rules. The Tool: Your New Communication Superpower Ignoring bait and setting boundaries is an investment in your peace. To do this effectively, use the psychologically-proven BIFF method for communication. - Brief: Keep it short and sweet. No long paragraphs. - Informative: Stick to the facts. Address only what's necessary. - Friendly: Keep a neutral, polite tone. This isn't about winning; it's about ending the conflict. - Firm: State your answer clearly and end the conversation. Don't leave doors open for debate. Here’s how it works in real life: Imagine you get a novel-length text criticizing everything from dinner to bedtime. Instead of getting angry, you become a detective. You don't take the bait. You scan the message for the one thing that actually requires a response. Their long, angry text boils down to a single question about a shirt for school. Your BIFF reply: "Got it, thanks. To answer your question, yes, they will have their blue shirt for school tomorrow. Hope you have a good night!" That's it. You've been brief, informative, friendly, and firm.

Hello my fellow Superparents, The journey of solo parenting is one of incredible strength, but we all know it can feel isolating at times. What if we had a dedicated space to share that journey, together? I would love to start a weekly or bi-weekly 45-minute Zoom gathering exclusively for our community. This would be our time to: - Learn & Grow: We can explore a new topic each meeting, and I can invite experts to share their wisdom with us. - Share & Be Heard: A confidential and supportive space to talk about our personal highs and lows without judgment. - Connect & Empower: Remind ourselves that we are not alone and leave each session feeling a little lighter and a lot more powerful. This is for us, by us. If the idea of having this sacred time together resonates with you, please let me know. Show your interest with a 'like' or, even better, drop a comment with what you'd hope to gain from these calls. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

Whew! Summer is officially winding down, and as we navigate the post-vacation logistics and the last stretch towards Labor Day, a familiar theme often emerges for co-parents: Holidays. Whether your co-parenting relationship is harmonious or challenging, holidays can often feel like a minefield of negotiations, expectations, and last-minute changes. Ideally, holiday schedules are clearly outlined and legally binding in your parenting agreement. When it's in writing, you can simply refer to the agreement and stand firm. But what happens when it's not? Or when your co-parent constantly tries to bargain over every single holiday or special date? It's tough to hold your ground, but this is precisely where we, as solo parents, need to activate our superpowers of setting healthy boundaries. And it's not just for you – it's fundamentally for your children. Kids thrive on stability and predictability. As Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist known for his work on relationships, emphasizes, consistency and clear expectations create a sense of safety and security for children. When schedules are constantly shifting or uncertain, it can create anxiety and undermine their sense of peace. If you struggle to stand up for yourself, think of it this way: Stand up for them. Your children deserve solid plans and the feeling of safety, not the insecurity of last-minute changes or being shuttled between homes just because. They need to trust that their plans are stable. Remember, you are the one who makes the day special, not the date itself. This is a powerful reframe! Psychologically, this taps into the concept of creating new narratives and traditions. When you're in an equitable co-parenting relationship, you might have the children for some holidays and not others. Instead of stressing, splitting the day in half, or rushing between houses, consider this: celebrate the special date with your children on another day. Make that day feel just as loved, warm, and significant. This teaches your children adaptability and shows them that love and celebration aren't confined to a specific calendar date, but to the connection you share.