Oct 16 • Superhero Support
"Who's Picking Me Up Today?" — How to Calm Transition Anxiety
Hey Superparents,
Has your child ever asked, "Who's picking me up today?"
That question can land like a punch to the gut, making us wonder if we're doing something wrong. But let's look at it through their eyes. It’s rarely about a favorite parent. It's about their brain trying to build a mental map to feel safe and prepared.
Imagine having to switch between two different countries every few days—each with its own rules, routines, and culture. That's what our kids navigate. They aren't trying to create stress; they are trying to manage the stress of being in the middle. Our role is to be their safe harbor—a place of love, no questions, and no judgment.
This need for a "mental map" is deeply rooted in child development.
According to child development experts, predictability is a cornerstone of a child's sense of security. An article from the Child Mind Institute on anxiety explains that when children don't know what to expect, their brains can perceive it as a threat, activating the nervous system's stress response. This can show up as anxiety, irritability, or clinginess.
They aren't trying to be difficult; their brains are hardwired to seek safety through routine. By giving them a clear, predictable structure, we are directly helping to calm their nervous system.
The best way to provide that structure is to create simple visual cues. A visual schedule is a game-changer because it takes the mental load off your child. They no longer have to hold the entire complex schedule in their head.
Here are a few simple ideas:
- A Color-Coded Calendar: Get a simple monthly calendar and use two different colored markers or stickers—one for your days and one for their other parent's days. Let them help you fill it out.
- A Weekly Chart: Create a chart for the week with simple icons for school, activities, and a picture of you or their other parent for each day.
This simple tool empowers your child. They can just look and know what's coming next, giving them a sense of control in a world that can often feel unpredictable.
By providing this external map, you allow them to relax into the moment, knowing they are safe and cared for, no matter which house they're at.
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"Who's Picking Me Up Today?" — How to Calm Transition Anxiety
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