Mindset Monday: Don't Take the Bait (You Are Not Their Medicine) 🪝🚫

Hi Superparents,

For those of us in high-conflict co-parenting relationships, we all know the feeling. You are having a perfectly fine day, and suddenly, your phone buzzes. It’s a text out of nowhere, completely off-topic, specifically designed to get under your skin.

Your natural instinct is to defend yourself. You want to prove them wrong. You want to justify your actions. In a normal relationship, that works. But when dealing with a narcissist, your reaction is exactly what they want. They want to stir your emotions, hijack your day, and steal your peace.

The Psychology: Addiction to Drama 🧠

Through my own experience and talking with many of you, I started noticing a pattern. It seemed like whenever my high-conflict co-parent was going through their own difficult situation, they had to create conflict with me.

It was like an addict needing a fix. And psychologically, that is exactly what is happening.

Emotional Externalization: Narcissists lack the internal tools to self-soothe or process negative emotions (like shame, stress, or failure). When they feel bad, their coping mechanism is to provoke someone else. If they can make you angry or upset, they successfully offload their internal chaos onto you. Your emotional reaction is the "supply" that temporarily regulates their self-esteem.

In The Boy with the Blue Bike, Leo and Jasper experience this exact dynamic in Mirrorland. Three intimidating people in suits start hovering over them, feeding off their energy. They only get "hooked" when the boys react.

But Leo figures out the superpower. He says, "Stop!". When the boys stop reacting and go completely silent, the suits lose their supply. They simply pretend to do something else and walk away.

When you start setting boundaries and refusing to take the bait, the narcissist will go through a withdrawal syndrome. They will escalate. They will send a burst of chaotic messages because their usual "drug" (your reaction) is being withheld.

Even when you become a pro at spotting the bait, dealing with this withdrawal burst is exhausting. It takes immense grace to stay silent. But once you weather that storm, they eventually learn that your house is no longer a source of supply. They will think twice before starting a scene.

It is a step-by-step process. Keep your scope clear, document the texts, and protect your energy. You will get to the other side, and your peace will be bulletproof. Stay strong, Superparents.

👇 Let’s share our shields: What is your go-to "Gray Rock" or neutral response when you receive a bait text? (Or do you just leave them on read?)

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