Yesterday I did a customers truck and then I went to clean his wife’s car and she had to take off for the kids sports. This guy got all worked up and pissed off before anything even happening that she was going to drive through a puddle and get his truck dirty I just detailed. I could see the hurt in her eyes and the way it made her feel. I wanted to say something to him about it but didn’t and that at a different point of not wanting to create conflict. The big point is a year or 2 ago my ex wife had used my truck with her friend to pick up free wood planking. In the process they scratched my tailgate with their boots and I got super upset and pissed off about it. What I wish I could go back and do was not react that way. Know I can buff it out without an issue and then looked in and said to myself it’s just a truck her emotions matter more. I also would have changed me being greedy to make more money in the business and taken a day or two off to help her remove and load this paneling like she had asked for help multiple times. I would say back oh yeah I’ll help on my next day off and instead would book another job or sit on the couch being lazy watching YouTube. 2 points from this: 1. Her emotions matter more than a freaking truck does. 2. If you I say I’ll does something I need to stick to my word!

I walked through a scenario I had with myself last night. My partner and I didn't talk all day, not because of issues, just because she works away and I finished uni late, which means we didn't have time to call. My partner text me and let me know then said goodnight. This has happened before and in the past it didn't bother me, but recently parts of me have been insecure about this. I was resentful that I needed to be the one to call and fearful that the lack of communication is something bigger, like drifting apart. The avoider usually steps in to get me to ignore these feelings push them down so I don't have to address them. The Grounded Man in me took a breath and responsed to her message and said "That's fine, I understand it's late. I'll talk to you tomorrow", and said goodnight. Then he spoke to the part of himself that feared rejection. He found that the part wanted to be seen and heard. After identifying the part he allowed himself to witness these feelings and made a framework to address these insecurities with his partner. * For the men reading this, I would like to know if you believe this is a grounded approach or if you believe this is an insecurity taking over

The time that I looked back at was when I had asked my ex if we didn’t go back to trying poly if it would mean she would want to end things. When she said yes I completely lost it and broke down for 10 minutes on the ground. The truth of this was that the part in me of always being alone and left out as a child that would do anything to please people to fit in didn’t want to go back to feeling alone again without her in my life. I had become so connected to her that I didn’t have a life outside of her. Now knowing this I’ve learned that I can stand on my own and create a life that doesn’t require a partner to still be me.

This weekend I had my sister's birthday and my partner didn't want to go because there is some bad history between them and honestly I'm not on the best terms with my sister either but I was going because I wanted to move on from the issues with her that I had been holding on to. Last minute my partner offered to come with me but a part of me really did not want to put in that position. Another part of me wanted the support and knew that together we could be each others support in a situation neither of us want to be in. I became really indecisive for a while before finally asking my partner to come. She compromised and suggested she come to the first part and then not stay out which I saw as a good middle ground. When I revisited this moment I realised that my parts were not just protecting me but trying to protect my partner as well. When my partner asked me to forget about the parts (Not what she said but essentially), the decision was clear that I wanted her to be there as well, but I felt selfish for asking, due to the history. She reassured me that she wouldn't have offered if she didn't think we could handle it and hence the compromise. Afterwards, I just felt guilt for not realising that when she asked and something I want to implement next time is to "repeat back". So I can fully understand that is being asked and then I can go from there. I'll say it again this journey is tough but worth it.

Just a reflection on my last week, I've been struggling with reactivity and I got in from Uni tonight and realised a part was basically screaming at me. After some of the Stomatic Boundary work it really helped, I think I'm recognising a part of this process is not just take in information and then boom you'll be grounded its a lot of trail and error and the lessons are all tools to help guide the process.