Yesterday I did a customers truck and then I went to clean his wife’s car and she had to take off for the kids sports. This guy got all worked up and pissed off before anything even happening that she was going to drive through a puddle and get his truck dirty I just detailed. I could see the hurt in her eyes and the way it made her feel. I wanted to say something to him about it but didn’t and that at a different point of not wanting to create conflict. The big point is a year or 2 ago my ex wife had used my truck with her friend to pick up free wood planking. In the process they scratched my tailgate with their boots and I got super upset and pissed off about it. What I wish I could go back and do was not react that way. Know I can buff it out without an issue and then looked in and said to myself it’s just a truck her emotions matter more. I also would have changed me being greedy to make more money in the business and taken a day or two off to help her remove and load this paneling like she had asked for help multiple times. I would say back oh yeah I’ll help on my next day off and instead would book another job or sit on the couch being lazy watching YouTube. 2 points from this: 1. Her emotions matter more than a freaking truck does. 2. If you I say I’ll does something I need to stick to my word!

Wanted to share to hold myself accountable. Talking to my wife the other day trying to figure out if our two oldest kids should do aau basketball. Many of the tournaments will likely overlap which would mean we’d have some weekends split up. My wife told me that she didn’t like that idea because she doesn’t like to be away from our kids and she doesn’t trust that I would keep our son safe. Perfect moment for me to be the lighthouse, but hearing that made me immediately think of all the work I’ve done the last 18 months, how I’m a totally different person than I was then. And it cut me pretty deep. I wasn’t able to keep my composure, didn’t raise my voice but said something back to her like “I’m not sure what else I need to do for you to see the new me.” Well, failed that test. Then I log into this, and the next module was Leading her emotions without losing yourself. If only I had logged into one day sooner. In all honesty though, I have overall been very good at keeping my calm, it must have been what she said that got me. The fact that she doesn’t trust me with our own son, just got to me. I wish I had virtual reality to practice these instances, work on being the lighthouse. We don’t argue or fight hardly at all, so when she DOES get upset, so feel like it’s even more important that I then stay calm and cool. Any tips on how to ALWAYS stay that lighthouse?

I walked through a scenario I had with myself last night. My partner and I didn't talk all day, not because of issues, just because she works away and I finished uni late, which means we didn't have time to call. My partner text me and let me know then said goodnight. This has happened before and in the past it didn't bother me, but recently parts of me have been insecure about this. I was resentful that I needed to be the one to call and fearful that the lack of communication is something bigger, like drifting apart. The avoider usually steps in to get me to ignore these feelings push them down so I don't have to address them. The Grounded Man in me took a breath and responsed to her message and said "That's fine, I understand it's late. I'll talk to you tomorrow", and said goodnight. Then he spoke to the part of himself that feared rejection. He found that the part wanted to be seen and heard. After identifying the part he allowed himself to witness these feelings and made a framework to address these insecurities with his partner. * For the men reading this, I would like to know if you believe this is a grounded approach or if you believe this is an insecurity taking over