My Breakthrough story - braindump · New Earth Community

My Breakthrough story - braindump

Before

For most of my life, I lived in what I called “darkness.” I was in a constant state of regret, shame, guilt, sorrow, and unworthiness, everything just felt heavy.

I always felt like something was wrong with me. It came from different situations in my life. I grew up in a time, an environment, and in a family where being gay was seen as wrong, not accepted and that was exactly what I was.

That and other things made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Part of me was ashamed of myself, and that made me hide the real me. I never spoke about my problems or thoughts I kept it all inside and suppressed it all.

I went through a lot of heartbreaks, and to protect myself, I built a version of me that couldn’t be hurt or feel weak. I started hanging out all the time — drugs, weed, alcohol, trips to Amsterdam, parties

I ended up in relationships where the same pattern repeated over and over again. I hurt them, watched them fall apart, watched their love turn to hate, and then leave me for someone else. I felt like a bad person, unholy, like I didn’t deserve love. So much guilt. I truly believed that all the pain I felt was what I deserved. I was trapped.

Something inside me whispered that I was meant for more. I couldn’t accept a normal life — being controlled, working a job I did not like, giving away my time. I always dreamed of freedom.

For me, freedom had a name: money. Since I was a kid, I said I wanted to be a millionaire. Money became the symbol of everything I thought I lacked — love, safety, peace.

Crisis

The breaking point came after my last relationship. She was so good to me, so pure and I saw her hurting because of me. It reached a point where, after an argument, she tried to end her life and told me that I would have to live with it. I felt disgusting. When she finally left me and I lost what I thought was the love of my life, I realized I didn’t want to live like that anymore. I didn’t want to be the reason for someone’s pain. I wanted to be a good person. I was tired of living in guilt and regret. I decided to change.

Chase

I went all in. I was chasing change and money. I got mentors, read books, bought courses, did trauma work, learned how life and the universal laws work, everything about how to create the life I wanted. I isolated myself and dedicated everything to becoming the best version of me. But deep down, I was still chasing.

I thought I was chasing success, but I was really chasing worthiness.

Conflict

The deeper I went, the more I realized it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. It meant facing everything I had been running from the pain, the fear, the guilt, my belifes, my wounds. It meant changing everything I knew and reprogramming myself, to kill my ego and what I was.

It meant losing people, being misunderstood, and standing alone.

I watched everyone else having fun while I stayed home trying to build something new. There were days I felt completely lost and lonely. Instead of escaping through parties, drugs, and alcohol, I tried to fill my emptiness through work. I started businesses, tried different things to make money — to finally become free.

I met someone who mirrored all my wounds. I tried to be good to her — the person I couldn’t be for others before. But for the first time, I wasn’t chosen. She triggered all my abandonment issues. I just wanted to be loved especially now that I was finally giving genuinely. But I was giving for my own sake, and to someone who could not receive.

Breakthrough

Then one day, everything changed. After reading a book, something inside me shifted. I could see and feel the truth. My entire state of being transformed. I felt pure happiness, pure peace. I broke down and cried. I finally understood. I had always believed in God, but this time, I could feel it with certainty. I realized that we are all part of God — and I could feel that connection deeply. And in that moment, I knew that nothing had ever been wrong with me. Every single thing I had gone through was meant to shape me into who I am today. And I felt love for myself.

After

My life is now filled with peace, gratitude, and love. I finally know who I am and live in alignment with the person I want to be. I see meaning in everything that happens and trust that everything I desire is already on its way. Every day, I try to be the best version of myself and act from love. Now, even when sadness appears, I feel grateful. I no longer drown in emotions; I see them for what they are. I am not afraid anymore only thankful for it all.

I want to awaken others so they too can become free from the "matrix" and live the life they are meant to live.

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