My Breakthrough story · New Earth Community

My Breakthrough story

Hi, I am Kim. I am late but catching up. I am a single mom and was also in the end stage of another challenge i took with Ihsan & Shanti. And this breakthrough story took a lot from me to get it out...Still soooo much info missing but i dont remember much from my childhood so it takes time for memories to arise and weave it all together. I didnt wanted to look even more hot messy than i am already 😂

Here we go:

MY STORY DUMP

STEP 1:

I grew up feeling like an outsider on my own planet.

It always felt like I had landed here by mistake — like everyone else got the manual for how life works, and I didn’t.

My mother divorced my father who only had interest in his own vices and didnt even acknowledge my existence and. My mother was there but she was hiding from the world — on her spiritual path searching for a way as she felt she had to change something about herself or they could “put her in a sardine box and close it”, she was searching for her own light while leaving her body behind.

I learned early how to disappear too.

Quiet. introverted. Invisible. The good girl who didn’t take up space.and my father was my biggest disappointment and i suffered a lot and experienced a lot of pain and hurt due to his unavailability and the fact that he just didnt give a fuck about me and how i felt. He didn't give me anything of what a healthy masculine father should give his daughter. I always felt like an alien, like Rémy who was alone in the world. I dont remember anything from before i was like 6yrs old, and i have only flashes of memories from my elementary years. I remember i was always separating myself from the rest because i felt so different than them and i just did not fit in. I hated school, felt very weird and i was actually always dissociating myself from people and the world, i did not wanted to be here and therefore I always left my body, i was never grounded. And when i was it was just for a brief second and I left this reality again.

I always felt something was missing.

Not from my life — from the world itself.

Why did everything feel so backwards and just plain wrong?!?Why was God allowing all this suffering and horror, towards people but even more so towards animals, i was really in pain when ever i saw a tv show about people killing animals for their own use. i did not like this world at all. I could never really connect with anyone but i tried sometimes, when i felt like it. We grew up without money, as my mom chose her spiritual path above getting a job or career. Therefore my clothes were mostly second hand and we also hardly ever had all the cool gadgets that other kids had. Growing up as a teenager i met the father of my two oldest kids when i was 15, in highschool. Looking back i replaced the absent father with him and therefore i put him on a pedestal. I got My oldest when i was just 20yrs old, because i truly felt and believed that would give purpose and reason to my life. But i couldnt handle parenthood as i should have. That relationship was off and on but i believed that would be the man i would spend my whole life with, after my second baby was born she had to go through severe operations as het aorta was almost completely blocked, i carried that load on my own together with my mom. I had this delete button that erased all my emotions so i could keep standing through the hardest parts of my life, my 2nd baby almost died. I hated jobs, they sucked the soul out of me and i was always searching when the government pushed me too. The establishment was always working against me, and even taking things from me instead of helping and supporting. If you did not follow their rules they would take everything away from you. And so they did, twice, blocked me from being able to receive unemployment benefits, so i was without any money for periods in my life. I was really with one foot on the streets already with 2 small children. My ex dragged me to court for the smallest things and all their lies as i was an unfit mother who abused and misused her children and was prostituting herself, this is what they told in court. I was very unstable yes, but i loved my children and he was making it extra hard and difficult for me instead of helping and supporting the mother of his kids. He threw me out on the street and kept all the appliances like washing machine etc which he had two of already. I have been a single mother most of my life. Finally i ended up working in the nightlife as a waitress and bartender. How bizar it was but thats when my life opened up a bit and i could start being myself a bit more. As in my relationship everything had to be as he thought and demanded it to be. I have always been surviving, in chronicle survival mode. I have been in severe debt, like 70.000 euro. There was an organisation that wa staking care of my financial situation, but not much money was coming in and it took years and years, until this person finally quit cos he was getting to old and i had to take my finances back into my own hands. Hence that because of debts already the state took everything away from me, my car, my liscense, my kids, my money, i even got arrested one time cos i was doing a shady job for someone else, and also because my ex wanted me in jail for not being able to pay him child support after he took my kids from me. I never did any drugs, but alcohol became very present in my life when i was working in the nightlife, and specially when i was working as a waitress in a stripclub.

For the rest i believe i have been born pretty awake but i was to young to understand what i was awake to. I also found out that i am a born spiritual, when you check the book “father earth” by OLof Smith, So my soul came here to heal the feminine line in my family and ancestors, thats why i chose a life full of adversity and hardship cos my soul knew that i would start searching, and finding the solution. Why are there people ruling over other people?? and why they always came from the same families, as if they would be holy, which i already knew they were ot better then other people, but other people could never be chosen or elected.

Why do we have to pay to live on a planet we were born from?

Why did freedom, joy, and love feel like luxury items instead of birthrights?

I kept searching — for belonging, for purpose, for the “thing” that would finally make sense of my existence.

But nothing ever fit.

And if something did stir my soul, I couldn’t afford to follow it.

So I learned to delete my feelings, to numb myself, to keep moving even when I didn’t know where I was going.

I became really good at surviving,

but somewhere in the process, I stopped really living.

Step 2 — Crisis (Your Version)

My breaking point came when They took my kids from me, first of all, and second when i burned out in 2016. my body stopped letting me pretend everything was fine.

It was like it had been whispering for years — slow down, stop, breathe —

and I just kept pushing through it, being the strong one, the capable one, the one who never falls apart.

Then one morning, I woke up and couldn’t stop crying before work.

My body was shaking, my chest was heavy, and I knew:

I couldn’t do this anymore.

Not one more day of pretending I was okay.

I stayed home.

And that’s when everything hit me.

All the exhaustion I’d ignored came rushing to the surface.

My body went into complete shutdown — burnout, adrenal fatigue, my nervous system fried.

Even walking to the shower felt like a mountain.

Emotionally, I was empty.

Spiritually, I was lost.

I remember lying there on the sofa thinking,

Is this it? Is this what life is supposed to be — constant survival?

That was the moment I realized I couldn’t keep abandoning myself.

I could no longer ignore the truth that the system I was trying to keep up with

wasn’t designed for someone like me — or for any woman, really.

Something deep inside me was done. My life force energy was completely drained and not filling up again. You know i didnt have any boundaries and was people pleasing my way through life under a whole bunch of masks, doing things that were not in alignment with my soul. But i just didnt knew who i was or what i wanted either.But i was done with putting all of my focus and energy onto other people and never on myself. Ofcourse now i know i was abandoning myself, running away from myself, i didnt want to meet myself at all.

Step 3 — The Chase

After the burnout, I couldn’t just lie there and do nothing — that’s not who I am.

So I started searching.

I tried healing everything that looked like a solution: energy work, courses, nutrition, hormones, spirituality, inner child work, coaching, meditation, you name it.

I wanted my energy back.

I wanted me back.

I was trying to fix myself so I could finally be free — from the system, from money stress, from the constant fear of not doing enough.

Every time something gave me hope, I went all in.

And every time it stopped working, I blamed myself.

But something deeper was moving under all of it —

the need to remember who I was before life demanded I forget.

My kids gave me the courage to keep going.

They needed me, and I refused to let them grow up seeing their mother crushed under a world that didn’t make space for her light.

Step 4 — The Conflict

The hardest part wasn’t the healing — it was what came after.

I realized I was trying to rebuild myself using the same energy that burned me out.

I was chasing peace through pressure.

Trying to build a business with the same survival patterns I was trying to escape.

Every time I pushed, my body pushed back harder.

The migraines. The fatigue. The fog. The shame of not being able to keep up.

And under it all — the old voices:

“You’re lazy.”

“You’ll never make it.”

“Who are you to teach anyone anything?”

It was like my nervous system and my inner child were at war.

Part of me wanted to rise.

Part of me wanted to hide.

The real dragon wasn’t the burnout or the money stress.

It was the illusion that I had to become someone different to be worthy of peace.

The real battle was between the part of me that still needed to prove —

and the part of me that just wanted to be.

Step 5 — The Breakthrough

My breakthrough didn’t come in one moment — it came in waves. But my greatest catalyst was the birth of my youngest, she first of all pulled me into my body. Because of her I could also stand up against the system, without any ounce of fear, and tell them straight in the face that i didnt care what they would do but I was going to stay home with my baby. They could take my money, as I already survived that, they could force me to go to work when she was only 3 months old, but I would make sure they would fire me again so I could be home again. I was staying home with her and that was my decision and that was what was going to happen no matter what they would say or do, and from that moment my whole universe had no other choice but to re-align with me, and I knew at that moment that God, Source really does have your back. From that moment my whole life shifted, again! First after turning the curse around for my female lineage, after when my youngest was born. 180 shifts and every time I listened to my body instead of forcing it, something shifted.Every time I honored rest instead of guilt, my energy came back stronger.Every time I said no to what drained me, my truth got louder.

Then one day, it all clicked:I wasn’t here to heal just myself —I was here to help women remember what it means to live in alignment with the Earth, with their body, and with their soul.This wasn’t about escaping the system — it was about embodying a new one.

The burnout wasn’t my ending.It was my initiation.It stripped away everything false so I could rebuild on truth.

I also wanna add that I went through adrenal fatigue and early perimenopause at the same time when I tried to start and build my own soul-led business. I was losing my hair, brain fog, memory loss, lack of focus, itching skin until I was scratching it open and I was covered under scratched open skin patches. tired all the time, head aches and pressures, neck and shoulders blocked…My breakthrough actually came cos i was just really and truly done with everything and everyone, i didnt care anymore what would happen but now i was gonna choose for myself and my family. And looking back on my life that was filled with adversity, back to back basically, and constant survival mode, i just realised that for my business i am not someone who needs to teach or mentor people to give them the steps, tools, or framework to go successful in order to create their dreamlife….NO, i now know that i am here to guide people how to navigate, go through and traverse adversities, difficulties, troubles from the inside out out. I am here to show people how to be in acceptance with themselves and where they are at in their life, journey, evolution. SO, my soul led business will be more focussed on navigating survival, problems, adversities etc, on all levels; relationships, money, spirituality etc.

Step 6 — After

Now, my life is about embodiment and acceptance of Self and self love — not escape.About walking this path slowly, honestly, and showing other women they can too.I’m still healing, still learning, still human — but I’m no longer lost.Even though I have been going through an existential crisis, an in-between state, clueless about what my soul came here to do, what my business would actually be…

I now know that i am not here to teach or guide people what to do so they can manifest their dreamlife, I KNOW NOW THAT I AM HERE TO HELP PEOPLE TO NAVIGATE AND TRAVERSE ADVERSITY? HARDSHIP? TROUBLES and so on, on all levels!! and I also want to help women — especially mothers — remember their own rhythm.I share my story, my lessons, and the tools that actually helped me rebuild from the inside out — things like grounding with nature, working with the body, and using what’s simple and natural to support real healing.

This is my rebellion: My remembrance is my rebellionto live free, sovereign, and in harmony and connection with yourself and with the Earth. To show that healing doesn’t mean perfection — it means remembering who we are.

I don’t want to build an empire.I’m here to build a new way of being human. There can not be service to others, the collective and the greater good if there is no service to ourselves first. Not the small hurted ego self but your Higher Self.

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