It seems we’re friends at least. · Marriage Recovery Community

It seems we’re friends at least.

I just had a lovely half hour chat with polly on the phone. She rang up to ask about where the girls Nintendo was but then we chatted about the girls and their funny personalities for 20 mins. There was a lot of laughter and agreeing, and even insights into how they learn off us. I used this an an opportunity to talk about my poor emotional regulation and how that I am working on this so that I can show our girls what it looks like, as they learn from copying us. I lightheartedly mentioned that with my emotional immaturity and her ADHD, neither of us have been demonstrating showing what regulation looks like. I also said I think Ruby has ADHD, and that we don’t need to beat ourselves up for how hard it is managing her. We aren’t bad parents, we just need to educate more and its something im looking into. She agreed, and reaffirmed we aren’t bad parents.

She said she thought Ruby has become better of late due to there not being tension in the house since I moved out. I replied yes I think she has, as I am calmer, you are calmer, and we are calmer around each other and ruby feeds off this. I was worried she was stating this from a point of view of ‘the end of the relationship and separation was right and needed for co-parenting to work’, but I obviously can see a way these two new calmer people could live together again, maybe she cant and it validates her actions, I don’t know.

She led onto the Gathering (the big camping trip / festival we do with close friends) and said she had been talking to Ruby and mentioned she wont be coming this year and might have to work (really she isn’t coming because of the split) and Ruby would apparently just not accept it. She guilted Polly that she had to come. So she asked me, if she worked thurs and fri, could she come to The Gathering on Sat and Sun. I said of course, it will be lovely for the girls to have you there. She suggested sleeping in a tent next to us and I said yes, and that I would respect the boundaries etc. But the thought of us all being together as a family surrounded by friends is a lovely thought, even if we aren’t ‘together’ together.

We then got chatting about food and dinners and she said she wants to get back into batch cooking to keep the food costs down. I said i’m finding it tricky to keep my new additional food costs within our shared finances budget as I am buying for one. She said she would be happy to make batches of food and I take a portion. I said all I eat is Chicken and Broccoli these days, and she said i’m looking good for it. I said I eat dark choc in the evenings, which she joked was ‘sad chocolate’ - I joked back that I like the dose of pain with my pleasure and its the only one her and the kids don’t steal! She said she hides her choc in the booze cupboard. I said I haven’t looked in there in a year, and she replied ‘well old Dan would have!’. The acknowledgement there is an old Dan and a new Dan was welcome to hear, even if she isn’t attracted to him yet or doesn’t trust him.

We discussed buying a pop up swimming pool for the girls which i’m now looking into. It just felt like a regular convo with my wife with laugher and sharing and went on for 30 mins. It has picked me right up, even though no movement.

Am I foolish to enjoy these comms with me, these friendly convos, and in reading that she might be slowly softening around me, to the point of wanting to come to the Festival with us? Is this a positive, or am I entering a platonic ‘friend zone’ that validates leaving me was the right thing to do?

5 comments

It seems we’re friends at least.