Hi Everyone! I'm forcing myself to write this because a huge part of my old identity involves hiding, and I know that's not who I'm meant to be. I'm Sage. I've been going through a lot the last 30 years as I come from an abusive childhood and young adult life, and a culture and religion that is happiest when women hide, are quiet, and submissive. I want to let go of this sense that I'm not good enough as I am, and should be a certain way to please parents, religion, or a culture of sexism and racism. I know that holds me back from getting literally all the things that are mine. So I'm looking forward to the challenges.

Day 1 was great. Thank you Aaron! This is me before my father died. He took his own life after bouts with bipolar depression before it was understood, and when mental illness was more stigmatized than today. In order to cope with such a tragic loss, and find a new partner, my mother suppressed her emotions, including all the grief—and to maintain her love, I did the same. The new guy she married was emotionally and verbally abusive to her and to me and my younger sister. In order to survive, I disconnected from my self. I held my grief and my anger inside, and adopted a pattern of adapting myself to who others needed me to be that stayed with me into adulthood. I built a career by making myself valuable and suppressing my authentic self—and it took me all the way to the top of my field. But then I got fired, and it was the most devastating thing that ever happened to me (in my adult life). Now I’m moving through the pain and the anger I didn’t know was inside of me, so that I can become my authentic self and create the life I came here to lead. And it’s been the most difficult experience of my life. My biggest takeaway from today was to practice seeing the pattern and accepting it, which just leads me to want to grieve for what that boy never got to experience and how much he suffered. I have to manifest my first client for my new consulting practice and a check in the next 2 weeks, because I am running out of money, and so part of me is freaking the f- out and screaming at myself to hustle and make it happen. Screaming at myself about what a lazy useless poc I am. All the old patterns, which I sometimes have to work hard at being able to see. But another part of me is telling me to keep healing the grief because on the other side of it I’ll know exactly what to do, and manifest my first client without hustling. That they’re already on their way to me. I can see so clearly that the pattern is believing I have to adapt myself in order to get love (or money from a client). To get my needs met.