🚫 Less: “You could…” “I would…” ✅ More: “We should…” “We could…” When adults jump straight to solutions, kids lose the chance to build theirs. Try this instead: 🧠 Brainstorm with them, not for them. 💬 Offer ideas alongside theirs. 🤝 Leave space for them to choose, tweak, or try. Support the process and don’t steal the problem-solving. 👉 What’s one phrase you’re trying to replace in your classroom or home?

You can’t de-escalate what you haven’t regulated in yourself. I count to 10 in my head when I get frustrated. It buys me time for safer words and actions which definitely prevents damaging relationships. Let's Discuss: 1. What’s your earliest physical sign that you are escalating? 2. What helps you regulate fastest?

Power struggles often come from how we approach the moment, not the moment itself. Try replacing directives with options: Timing 🕒 • “Do you want to talk now or later?” Place 🚗 • “In the car or on a walk?” Environment 🎧 • “Music on or off?” Depth 🗣️ • “Quick check-in or full conversation?” Support 🧠 • “Do you want advice or just to vent?” Follow-up 📱 • “Want me to check back tonight or tomorrow?” Why this works: Choice gives ownership. Ownership lowers resistance. We don’t lose authority by offering choice. We gain connection. - Which choice do you already offer without realizing it? - What’s the reason you struggle giving up some control? - Where do power struggles show up most with your teenager?

I’ve taught my students that sometimes it’s okay to laugh at their situation. The end goal isn't to minimize it, but as a way to accept the circumstances and take back a bit of control. There’s a big difference between making fun of a situation and helping a teenager see that the situation doesn’t define them. When humor says, “I’m with you in this,” it builds connection. When humor says, “This isn’t that serious,” it can accidentally shut them down. Sometimes life is heavy. Kids feel it too. Honestly, if you don’t laugh a little, you’ll cry a lot. Used well, humor becomes a pressure valve that lowers defenses, helps regulate emotions, and reminds kids they’re not alone in the hard moments. The goal isn’t to dismiss feelings. The goal is to sit in the hard together and gently bring in light when they’re ready. Reflection questions: - When has humor helped you get through a tough moment? - How do you check whether your humor is connecting or minimizing? - What’s a small, safe way you use humor with your kids or students? Let’s learn from each other because connection often starts with a shared smile.

When conversations feel collaborative, defenses lower. This doesn’t mean we stop setting boundaries. It means we shift how we communicate with them. Talking WITH teens looks like: - Asking before assuming - Listening without planning your reply - Naming emotions before solving problems - Slowing the moment instead of “winning” it None of us do this perfectly. We’re learning to lead with curiosity, not control—one conversation at a time. 💬 Let’s talk: - Where do you notice yourself slipping into “talking AT” mode? - What’s one phrase you could swap this week to invite conversation instead of resistance? We’re all practicing this together. Adulting imperfectly. Finding common ground. 👇 Drop a thought, win, or struggle below.