Narcissism? · Brojo: Confidence & Integrity

Narcissism?

I had a tough conversation with my oldest child (20, moved out at 19) recently

They are convinced, and told me through tears and choking up, that they sincerely believe my wife/her mom is a narcissist. They then went on to describe a number of things that I had a hard time denying.

I asked them, what about me? I'm not perfect. I know there are lots of things that I do and did that were not ok, and that I have some traits that might also be considered a bit narcissistic. And even then, I should have protected them from anything that might have happened and that I was sorry for any part I had.

I told them that I always see the good and the potential in people, thats just my nature, and that I didn't believe that mom doesn't or cant love you. Maybe she has some of these traits but I can't believe shes a full blown NPD.

I've since leaned heavily into trying to identify these traits. I've watched some videos. I've had a few "holy shit" moments when hearing descriptions of narcissistic interactions that hit too close to home.

I've learned what "grey rocking" and "yellow rocking" is. Turns out I'm already doing that.

But it reaffirms what I already knew: that the only thing I can really do is work on myself. I can be healthier physically. I can work on my own mental blocks. I can take time for myself, to be myself, to enjoy what I like, do hobbies, get good sleep, etc. And the consensus seems to be that if I do all these things I will only get better, and, conversely, if she really is somewhere on the narcissist spectrum, these things will probably just make her angrier. Or not. But I can't count on that. I can only get better.

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