🔔 Validation Lowers Defensiveness Here’s the hard truth: When someone says “You don’t hear me” or “You never understand me,” they’re not trying to win an argument. They’re asking for relief. Behind every complaint is a desire: ➡️ To be understood ➡️ To feel safe ➡️ To matter Here’s the part most adults don’t want to hear 👇 If you jump straight to fixing, defending, or correcting,…you increase defensiveness. Validation doesn’t mean agreement. It means you slowed down long enough to see them. See you in the comments! 💬

Question: What phrase did you almost say today but didn’t? 😂 👀

A student once took her iPad out of the case, pulled her arm back, looked right at me, and said: “I’m going to throw this against the wall.” I didn’t panic. I didn’t raise my voice. I didn’t rush to control her. I calmly said: “I really wish you wouldn’t but you’re going to do what you’re going to do.” I’m not in control of a child’s behavior. I am in control of how I respond, document, and move forward and I already knew my next steps. Not reacting to everything isn’t being passive. It’s being regulated, intentional, and prepared. 💬 Let’s discuss…. - What behaviors tend to hook you emotionally the fastest? - How does not reacting feel different from not caring? - What helps you stay calm when a student or children is testing limits? - How does knowing your next steps reduce your need to react? - Where could less reaction actually create more safety?

We won’t all agree and that’s okay. 🤝 Every kid is unique. Every family is different. I genuinely invite all perspectives. 🔥 Hot take: kids don’t need smartphones. There are other options such as flip phones, or smartphones with strict controls. Call and text only (maybe WhatsApp). Kids have after-school activities. Being able to contact your child does matter. I believe fewer screens promote stronger relationships and better communication skills. As a teacher, can we at least agree on restrictions during school hours? Phones are impeding learning. I’ve seen students with 2 hours of daily screen time… and others with 13–14 hours. 😳 Their attention and emotional regulation are struggling. I’ve also seen the difference when parents add limits or take phones away. The improvement is night and day. I don’t say this from an ivory tower or from parenting perfection. I’m actively reducing my own screen time, and I’m far from perfect. I’m just becoming more aware. And honestly… I’m scared for them. Are you?

You can’t de-escalate what you haven’t regulated in yourself. I count to 10 in my head when I get frustrated. It buys me time for safer words and actions which definitely prevents damaging relationships. Let's Discuss: 1. What’s your earliest physical sign that you are escalating? 2. What helps you regulate fastest?