I will break the answers down into seperate posts as not to overwelm the reader. How I Feel 1. Anxious - I used to get a strong feeling of anxiety when I would project my current situation into the future. I would assume that because something wasn't right now then it would be like that forever and would never work out. My outlook was so limited I was unable to see all of the possible routes, assuming that there was only one guarenteed outcome. When I think back to my past I think a lot of this came from society, parents and school. We were taught that you went to school, then Uni and after that you got a job for 40+ years and then you could enjoy life. It felt like a long prison sentence for a crime I hadn't comitted had been placed on me from an early age. I felt that when I would finally be "free" I'd be too old and frail to anything with my time anyway. Queue the booze and drugs. 2.Depressed - Obviously such a bleak outlook on what my life had to be like led to depression. Especially in my first years of University. I was doing a degree (Aeronautical Engineering) everyone else wanted me to do and because I was "good at maths and physics." I'd let my mum talk me out of doing Psychology because apparently "I didn't like writing" and all I could see was that I was going to be an engineer stuck in an office for the next 40 years. I couldn't get a girlfriend and I was drinking, like most uni students, way too much. I finally seeked help and saw the psychologist who immediately put me on anti-depressants. Something wasn't right. We'd only chatted for 15 minutes and no other solution was offered. When I took the first one I felt like I was coming up on a pill (ectasy) and knew I couldn't take these daily. I had to find another way. The following summer was a huge change for me when I had a huge epiphany, an almost religious experience. I was at friends house and we had all dropped pills (ironically) and were dancing away. There was a small china statue on the way to the toilet holding a small sign, although I can't rememeber what it said exactly, it grabbed my attention and as I was reading it Pablo Gargano - Everyone's Future came on and as I listened to the repetitive lyrics I knew that I was in charge of my life and I could choose my own future. It would take years to intergrate that knowledge into my being, however I have never really been depressed since that day as I only have to think back to that magical moment of divine intervention.

After years of doing what I thought I should do or what I believed others wanted me to do, I am now looking at how I can put myself first. Not in a selfish, me, me, all me way but in a way that honors me as much as I honor those around me. I have been, like many, very hard on myself, comparing myself and my progress in life to others. I have had and continue to have problems with my own self worth like I somehow don't deserve my dream life and that I should compromise my desires for others. I am done with this now. I did not feel my relationship was as fulfilling and as reciprocal as I deserve. I am looking for mutual love with someone I can fully share both my light and dark side with. I am looking for a career that excites and fuels me while not only paying the bills but allows me to live in full abundance allowing me to use the overflow to help those around me.

Why are you doing this work? Is it to feel better? Is it to be a better father? This work is hard, you need to remember why you are doing it so you can return to the fire on a daily basis. Below is a link where you can find the weekly warrior calls. This week Ben and Nick discussed why they decided to start this journey and what kept them going. https://www.skool.com/the-lighthouse-project/classroom/749579a5?md=982c918e7193465d80e8d90b5453e8d3

Hi everyone! Just thought I’d share an update. Really struggling today. Doctor has put me on propanolol to try curb my panic symptoms a bit but I hate being put on new medication so as soon as I took the first one I had a panic attack & been horrible all day today. Had a really bad day. How I am is pushing my wife away. She dosent know what to do to help me. Tbh I don’t know what to do myself I’m trying & trying but I’m really struggling! The panic is always there & it feels like it’s getting worse!

Yesterday started out with a curveball, my son Luca was awake and energized for the day earlier than anticipated (5:30) just filled with energy, I hadn’t slept well at all that night. Before going into his room and picking him up out of his crib I knew I was looking at a moment that would have turned a fairly normal day, and made it worse with disconnection and frustration. The morning started with a messy kitchen, a nearly 2 year old covered in peanut butter and jam and a phone filled with pictures, all by 6:30am There was even more moments that morning that would’ve historically sent me into a fit of anger, frustration, irritability… I would have been a NIGHTMARE to be around. But I was present, I knew how I was truly feeling, I was mindful and helpful, conversational, present, and in control of my emotions.