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So I went to cabin to reconnect with myself. Also noticed how I get triggered when I’m meditating and I hear sounds outside that make it hard to listen within. Also notice I feel jumpy when I hear barking sounds. I’ve also touched a spider as a way to conquer a fear I might have. I’m here now asking if anyone has a possible idea of sensitivity so I can practice. I understand it’s a gift and want to embrace it but also manage it better.

Has anyone have an advice I’ve been dealing with what might be disorganized attachment and I’m looking for a job that can benefit me while still working on myself. I ask what job would be best. Lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed to even get a clear thought and have had no luck with job applications. I’m at the end of my rope.

Today I want to ask yes for help but in a sense of getting honest feedback. I’ve tried doing this alone and I also don’t have much friends that reflect a healthy lifestyle. I want to reconnect with myself and learn from healthy role models. What if currently have been doing is eating better, exercising, yoga, meditating and trying to draw and write my feelings but it seems that is not hitting the core issue of myself. I’m looking not just friendship but people who can help me on my journey. I’m also about to head out next month for some serious self focus and to let go of anything still trapped within me. I want to be authentic, express myself and let go of fear of judgement.

I had a moment to just sit and let myself calm down enough to sink into something. The moment I hear either ringing or yelling. Soon I’m spinning around in a room or apartment that looks kind of run down. I’m feeling as tho I’m a baby flying around. I’m either then sitting looking around or looking at myself and I see mom mother on the phone and dad on the tv and I’m just being a baby. Soon my mom is getting into her night gown and dad is going to bed. They’re about to get intimate. Baby me notices and minds his business by playing with a toy. Soon my uncle comes out of the bed saying how they both have to start taking their life serious and points at how they are living but also looks at my mom like an act almost to get my dad mostly to take charge of his life. My mom leaves upset and my dad runs to the bathroom upset but in tears and either starts to take meds or drugs as I see some brown puddle on the floor. Then all I hear and see is bathroom mirror break and baby me lying on the floor with a shard on his head. My parents just looking at him with fear and shock speechless. Has anyone experienced this?