I had a 3 monthly care plan review with a nurse yesterday for Eils He thanked me for coming in each day to assist Eils with feeding her lunch and staff thank me often. I AM NOT there helping them out like a volunteer. I am there to be with Eils and provide the least I can still do for her and then spend time with her, holding her hand, cuddling her and letting her know much I love her. Do they see it as an obligation? This is the furthest from the truth for me. I wish, everyday that I could have her at home with me. I know they mean well, they care about Eils and all the residents but how they not see that I'm there everyday because I love her with all of me.

I'm not doing too well atm. It's 7pm Tuesday where I am. It's been a very lonely day. Probably of my own making. I try to reach out to my friends and family by staying in touch and staying "interested" in their lives. I check in on them and show an interest in what's going on their lives but tbh, it's not reciprocated. Maybe theyre to scared to ask? I don't know. Even our daughter, who is travelling Australia with her husband just messages me in response to my texts. The text to her aren't about how I'm feeling just taking an interest and sending the odd photo of what's happening in my life, and keeping her up to date with her mum. Eileen has been in care for 2.5 years. She's stable atm but is non verbal and unable to do anything for herself. It almost feels like friends and family are "bored" that there's no news. I very rarely post on Facebook but I did months ago for Eils b'day (and our wedding). An old work colleague messaged me to say that when she sees a post from me that she assumes the worst. Wtf. Are people just waiting for news that Eils has passed and then just turn up to her funeral. Then what?

I’ll be going live quite a bit this week so please check in for times!!!! Happy Sunday! How’s your grief today?

Today I went to Lowe’s and spent over $200 on plants and flowers for the backyard. The whole way there I was remembering how my wife, Kim, always said that I shouldn’t be allowed to go to any home improvement store unsupervised. On the way home, after the purchase I kept saying it was her fault I spent so much because she left me alone and unsupervised. I worked in the yard all day. Sure beats sobbing in the fetal position that I have been doing the rest of this week.

Hi Andrea. Sorry. I hope I didn't seem to leave the chat abruptly today. My phone is playing up and doesn't seem to want to hold a charge. Thankyou for the live chat today. ❤️