I don’t remember much about the last 12 months other than the pain I felt and continue to feel. It may be more manageable but still painful. I feel most days like I’m just on autopilot if that makes sense. Because we were separated and starting divorce proceedings, it’s hard to find people who understand the dynamics. We have 3 boys together and the oldest is 28 and profoundly autistic. He’s non verbal and lost of self injurious behavior. It’s worse since his dad committed suicide. I feel like life is hell and no one cares. I lost a lot of people who I thought were friends with both my husband and myself but they just blame me for his death. Not people I want in my life anymore anyway but damn it’s lonely. I’m still here.. surviving.

“Grief is like a raindrop holding the whole sky inside it— heavy, trembling, and full of light all at once. Even when it bends your world, it still carries the warmth of what you loved.”

I didn’t think that my mom would have gone before my grandma went, and yes both different grieving process for both, I feel a different type of lost since losing my grandma three months ago today. I completely and totally appreciate those I have now who I call my Ohana, but lately the pain of wanting to talk to my mom or grandma is so heavy. I am trying to get back into things I like to do and things that help me feel close to my grandma. When I think things are going well, and I’m living again, I fall back and feel so lonely in trying to get through things. I cry knowing I will never see them again, but on the other hand part of me is waiting thinking I’m going to see them soon. I used to go to my grandmas house on the Island a lot, and I have to keep reminding myself that I’ll never be making that trip again. The ache cuts deep knowing the two women in my life that were my role models, my best friends, the ones that were always there….are no longer here anymore. 💔

I wanted to share this with you first, before we open it to the public this Sunday. This is the final opportunity to join us for the Live Grief Retreat Weekend… and there are just 3 spots remaining. I’ll include the link below with all the details. These retreats are hard to put into words, because they’re not just something you attend—they’re something you experience. There’s a different kind of healing that happens when you’re in a space where nothing about you needs to be explained…where all you're going through is understood without you having to justify it…and where you’re gently guided toward what healing can actually look like for you. What people often walk away with isn’t a “fix”…but something much more meaningful: A sense of relief.A little more room to breathe. A clearer understanding of how to expand life without leaving what they’ve lost behind. And wherever you are in your process… you are not “too early” or “too far removed” for this. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. Neither does healing. This space is here for you whether your loss is recent, or something you’ve been carrying quietly for years…and it also holds space for the grief that comes from life changing in ways you never expected. If you’ve been feeling that pull toward something deeper, something more supportive… this may be that next step. I would truly love to have you with us before we open the doors more widely. Link below 🤍 https://mastergrief.com/retreat xoxo T