Thank you Virginia!! That's what I've got to do is just GO FOR IT!!!

I color. I go on to Pinterest and find coloring pages I like and then I pin them and when ready print them out. I have tried the diamond dotting. I didn't think I would like it. I thought it might be too much. But I actually do like it. My mind sometimes won't shut down and coloring and now diamond dotting really helps me slow everything down.

@Elena Zanfei I agree. It really helps me to slow my mind down. And picking colors that go with each other is a lot of fun. I color with gel pens. What do you like to color with?

@Bruce Dool You are very right. I am the only one that can be the pilot of my life. And backseat driving doesn't count. And right now, trying to be the passenger in my life. And to be honest, it's not working very well. I'm in charge of my happiness. A lot of why I feel the way I do is because of the lack of things like self-confidence and self-esteem. The first thing I need to do is heal myself and start that process I know I need to forgive myself. I need to stop being so hard on myself. I was once told that I needed to treat myself like a friend. You don't tell your friends how stupid they are or how worthless they are. You don't put them down at all. You build them up. You tell them it's ok. You tell them we are all human and we all make mistakes. That's how I really need to talk to myself. A work in progress.

@Adam Gersbach Thank you for saying this. I seem to struggle with everything dealing with life. I needed to hear your encouraging words. Last year after losing my dad, I started a bad downward spiral (and I don't think it's stopped yet). My dad was my hero. I really just wanted to give up on life. I knew I couldn't because who would take care of my mom? So, I kept going. But I have also learned that you can't live for someone else. There is this little saying that I read, and it said "I've learned to survive and now it's time I learned how to live". And that's why I've started this time of healing within. I really want to be able to start my own coaching business one day. I would like to show people how to live for themselves. It's kind of like an addiction. You can't quit any addiction for your parents, or your children, or your best friend. You have to quit for one person and one person only and that person is you. I can't live for my parents or my children or anyone else. I have to live for me. And this should be really easy but it is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's a matter of wanting it. I tell people that I only really want one thing in life and that is to be happy. Well, doing what I've been doing is not making it. So, a change is in order. And here I am wanting to live and learn all I can. Thank you again for your words. And I can tell you this, on the days that I feel like giving up or quitting or just feeling like I'm spinning my wheels, I'm going to first read what I put and then read your encouragement. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

i am grateful for being able to go thru this process and learn about healing myself.

I think that some people are afraid to admit that they in fact are not perfect and do make mistakes. we all know that none of us are perfect but yet when we do make a mistake we try and find a convenient way to sidestep away from it. but i also think that deep down we all know that we do in fact make and will continue to make mistakes. but a paper that i keep hung up everywhere i live says that there are no mistakes there are only lessons.