Georgiana inspired me to think about positive versus negative stimulus in terms of what effects us emotionally…mentally Habitually? I think when you go to self help or mindfulness spaces there is almost a worship of “zen” or being “high vibe” Like gratitude or bliss is the “goal” But I’ll be totally honest; if I’m feeling completely accepting of the present moment, I’m not actually motivated to change anything So I’m not gonna be challenging and say “fake positivity is actually a crutch” But isn’t that sometimes true? If I accept everything and I’m totally okay with how everything is…. Where’s the drive? What’s really pushing me towards growth? Growth is uncomfortable. Even painful. Muscles have to tear open. To rebuild. Mitochondria is only really created cellularly when get our heart rate past 80% of max HR… Science tell us this. Explosive effort and discomfort is the requisite for new growth. So I amplify my pain and dissatisfaction. In a way I am happy and life a privileged life. But I tell myself that this is miserable. Lol. Completely unacceptable. I know that’s not true. I do have gratitude. But I want to tap into a furious motivation sometimes. I like that intensity. This group makes me think about neural “hacks” in a way or reframing how we look at things for a better outcome. Anyway grateful for the positive reception and responses I’ve gotten just thought I’d introduce kind of my driving philosophy around “motivation”. I’m hungry for change I’m not satisfied with where I’m at. So many ppl want to avoid “negativity” at all costs. I want to lean into it and activate it and transmute it into productive action. Happy new years

“For the most part, we are too busy doing just about everything, that means just about nothing, to just about nobody, just about anywhere…and will mean even less to anyone a hundred years from now!” ― Matthew Kelly, The Rhythm of Life: Living Everyday with Passion and Purpose (Shoutout to @Joshua Haag and @Dayna Kanouna for mentioning this book in our 'favorite books' post previoulsy) This quote hits because it exposes an uncomfortable truth.We stay busy doing things that feel urgent, productive, and necessary. But when we view it from the balcony, a lot of that busyness does not actually matter. Not deeply at least, right? Not long-term and not to the people we think it does. Busyness often becomes a distraction from asking harder questions.. (guilty)...Am I doing this because it’s meaningful, or because it fills the space? Am I spending time with these individuals because this is a good connection or because it makes me feel less alone for a short time (but maybe even more lonely and bankrupt long term)? Am I moving with intention, or just moving? Being busy can feel safer than being purposeful because purpose requires choice and choice requires clarity. Aaaand clarity asks us to let some things go. Also, sometimes it's hard to have the clarity and then we feel restless and we fill in the discomfort with staying busy...full circle. Poll: Most of your busyness right now is driven by: QUESTION to ponder: What’s one thing you stay busy with that you secretly know doesn’t matter as much as it claims to? ACTION: This week, take some time and write down how you fill your time. Identify what 'truly' matters and maybe pick one thing that doens't matter in the same way and start letting go of it. (this first week may be a tough one because a lot of people are engaging in more intentional usage of their time).c

Our brains are not neutral...ever wonder why one negative comment can derail your whole day while getting positive feedback barely does anything? Why it can be difficult to try new things? Why losing $20 feels worse than winning $20? Why breaking a stream feels more painful than maintaining it feels joyful? This is the brain running on 2 psychological pathways that happen automatically: The negativity bias and loss aversion. Negativity bias means your brain gives negative stimuli preferential treatment. The amygdala fires more rapidly and intensely when it detects anything potentially threatening or painful. Positive events register, but they simply do not activate the same level of neural intensity. So negative experiences feel more intense. Then, loss aversion doubles down. From a cognitive standpoint, losses are viewed as more significant than gains. The psychological “cost” of losing tends to outweigh the psychological “benefit” of gaining, even when the events are equal in size. Your brain would rather avoid the pain of losing than pursue the pleasure of winning. This means negative experiences have more gravitational pull in your mind. Let's translate this to relationships. The Gottman's (gurus on relationships who have tons of research on this) give us the example: In close relationships, you need roughly five positive interactions for every one negative to maintain stability. This ratio is not arbitrary. It counterbalances the heavier cognitive and emotional weight that negative interactions carry. A single critical comment activates both biases, so the positives must come in higher volume to keep the system regulated. 5:1!! That's some weight! But, having a ratio like this, tells us that we CAND do something about it: these biases may be automatic, BUT we can work with counteracting them a bit. We can strengthen prefrontal cortex regulation through intentional activities such as savoring, recognition of micro-moments of connection, naming strengths, repair attempts, and cognitive reframing. Basically being on the lookout for the good.

"“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation" Henry David Thoreau "Alas for those that never sing, But die with all their music in them!" Oliver Wendell Holmes I think about the Thoreau quote often and wonder the sparks that people keep hidden inside of them...One of the blessings and more rewarding parts of my job is that sometimes I get to help people explore this--to help bring out the spark that makes them feel alive. Seeing someone's eyes light up is such a privilege and brings so much joy. It can be easy to drift through life without much intention, agency, or self reflection. It's easy to keep ourselves trapped in a cage of our own making. But....we CAN create a life that doesn't turn into desperation or having us go to the grave with the song still in our hearts.. Here are some things to consider: 1. Name Your Values And Revisit Them Often -when people feel they are “quietly desperate,” it is usually because their lives drift far away from what they actually care about. How to do it: a. Write down the top five things you want your life to stand for b.Ask yourself weekly: “Did I live 1% percent closer to these?” c. Let your values make small decisions easier, so you avoid emotional autopilot Psychology tie in: Values based behavior reduces avoidance and increases a sense of agency :) 2. Practice Micro Courage Quiet desperation often grows from years of small silences--of not speaking up, not trying to step outside of the comfort zone, not risking and not starting. Micro courage: tiny brave acts a. Sending the email/text b. trying the class c. sking the question d.making the change while it is still small Psychology tie in: Every micro act of courage builds your psychological flexibility and shrinks your fear barrier. 3. Get Out Of “All Or Nothing” Thinking A reason people end up feeling stuck is because they think change must be massive or immediate.When the mind goes all or nothing, it has a much harder time acting in some instances. Some people can operate on the 'go big or go home' mentality, but likely they've had a lot of practice in saying yes to smaller steps along the way to where it can be easier to embark on the bigness.

@Benjamin Ross wrote this thoughtful post here : what-drives-us-not-another-new-years-post Take some time to think about the factors that motivate you towards action in your daily life. What are they? How is your approach effective long/short term.