"𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗮𝗱 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝘀?" "What if they leave?" "What if this ruins everything?" "What if I fail?". What if, what if, what if.... Ever notice how if we engage in "what if" type thinking, it's often towards the negative? Our brains (unless we've trained them well) have the tendency to default to looking out for the negative/looking out for problems. It's wired for safety and so the "what if" is a question that can feel productive, but if we end up stopping there, is often very not productive. We get stuck in the loop and it leaves us anxious. We don't always go to the solution part of that...It's not only not always productive but it ends up stealing joy from the current moment. Here’s the problem:“What if” pulls you into imagined futures where you have zero control and infinite variables. It creates emotional consequences for events that haven’t happened and that may never happen. It also doesn't take into account that future self--the self that has more information, the self that may be well equipped to handle whatever comes. "𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒅𝒖𝒆" and " 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒅𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒅𝒆𝒃𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒂𝒚 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒘𝒆"are two quotes that come to mind when it comes to this....but okay, instead of saying "just stop with the What ifs"...let's redirect this energy and use some strategies! :) 𝕋𝕣𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤: 1. Turn “What if?” into “What’s likely?”Anxious brains deal in possibility. Grounded brains deal in probability. Most catastrophic outcomes are low likelihood but high emotional intensity. 2. Follow it with a plan.If the feared outcome did happen, what would you actually do? 3. Ask a better question.Instead of “What if this goes wrong?”Try: “What if this goes well?”Or even better: “What would the strongest version of me do next?” This is related to the point above about planning for it! Planning is different than worrying. But, remember, you can't plan for absolutely every single outcome...(think about the mental energy/time spent thinking/planning vs. what it would take to deal with the situation when it arises)

Have you ever gotten into a conversation with someone and a level of friction rose up and you didn't necessarily understand why? And maybe after some pondering you realize that you're talking past each other? That there seems to be a gap between what you're saying and what they're understanding? It's possible that one of the reasons for this is having different thinking styles. Forgetting to take this into consideration with someone can lead to friction, feeling misunderstood, and an inability to move forward in conversation--potentially leading to disconnection. Below are explanations of the different thinking style . I didn't realize that there were soooooo many! :) I find myself to be a blend of multiple. There are definitely times when I lean into others more though and sometimes it's based on circumstances. Also providing a document that describes the pros and cons of each type of thinking style :) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 𝗖𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝘁𝘆𝗹𝗲𝘀 1. Analytical Thinking : Breaking problems into parts, examining details, looking for logic and evidence. 2. Critical Thinking: Evaluating information, questioning assumptions, detecting biases, weighing pros and cons. 3. Creative Thinking : Generating new ideas, imagining possibilities, seeing patterns, using intuition. 4. Concrete Thinking : Focused on facts, literal details, and tangible concepts (opposite of abstract). 5. Abstract Thinking : Focused on big-picture ideas, theories, symbols, and relationships. 6. Convergent Thinking : Narrowing down to one correct answer or solution. 7. Divergent Thinking : Expanding outward, brainstorming many possible solutions or perspectives. 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 & 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝘁𝘆𝗹𝗲𝘀 8. Visual Thinking : Processing through images, diagrams, spatial awareness. 9. Auditory Thinking : Processing through sounds, language, rhythm. 10. Kinesthetic Thinking : Processing through movement, hands-on activities, physical experience. 11. Sequential Thinking : Step-by-step, logical, structured approach. 12. Global (Holistic) Thinking : Seeing the whole picture first, then filling in the details.

I almost titled this "The Subtle Art of Giving a F**k" , hahaha, crack myself up. We seem to be getting mixed messages from the world... We hear things like,“Don’t care so much" , “You’re too sensitive", “You’re too invested", "It's not that deep". On the flip side we also hear, "Why don't you care?" , "You seem cold", "You're so detached", "You're checked out". Somehow, caring too much is a flaw...also, not caring enough is also a flaw. So, where is the line? Why “Caring Too Much” Gets a Bad Reputation When people say someone cares too much what they often mean is that they think that a person is too emotionally affected, too invested in outcomes, taking things personally, showing one's heart...Basically, that they're emotionally exposing themselves too much. Caring will absolutely open us up to disappoitnment, rejection, loss, embarassment, grief...some uncomfortable emotions. It means that the nervous system doesn't get to just sit comfortably on autopilot--it means that there's an opportunity to feel things more fully. But here's the thing....caring deeply is often confused with lacking boundaries and they are really not the same at all... You can care deeply (be open to emotional exposure) AND still say no, walk away, hold standards, and protect your peace. The issue isn't caring. It's caring without self regulation and self respect. Why Not Caring Isn’t the Flex We Think It Is On the other end, detachment is often praised. How often have you heard (or maybe said to yourself) “Nothing bothers me.”,“I don’t care.”,“It is what it is.”. There can be a lot of power in that stance, especially if you've been hurt before. Likely this stance came as a result of being hurt before. Emotional neutrality can feel like safety, but is it really? Long term indifference has a cost...When we stop caring to avoid pain, we also end up muting things like joy, passion, meaning, and connection. These are things that are life giving. While not caring/indifference can protect you from heartbreak, it also protects you from depth. It might feel efficient and stable, but it often falls flat. We kind of lose our life energy. Protecting our peace can be valid, but sometimes we're masquerading and really just protecting our ego.

I’ve noticed that my “I just need a better plan” moments usually show up right when I’m actually ready to move. It feels safer to keep tweaking the plan than to risk taking the next small, visible step. What’s helped is treating planning as a way to support action, not avoid it - good enough has started to be truly good enough. When you catch yourself reworking the same plan again, what might happen if you trusted the version you already have?

It’s who you raise. This week, my daughter was nominated for Young Woman of Distinction (18–30), and watching the woman she has become is one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life. At 24, she: – Owns two prime commercial buildings – Built her massage therapy business from the ground up – Owns and manages a salon with five stylists – Serves on committees – Teaches Ukrainian dance – Travels and explores while running her businesses She works hard. She leads well. She gives back. But what makes me proudest is that she prioritizes joy alongside ambition. She doesn’t believe success requires burnout. And that belief didn’t come from a lecture. It came from what she watched. Our children absorb how we live more than what we say. Legacy isn’t built in grand gesture. It’s built in everyday alignment. What do you think the next generation is learning from the way we work?