Is anyone else tired of the constant bombardment of noise, the click this, buy this, look here, watch this, always pulling and pulling and stringing you out further and further. It leaves this feeling in my soul, an asphyxiation. It feels like a deep sea fisherman dragging a trawler, dragging everything that it means to be alive, to exist, to feel deeply, to be truly present, to suffer and to be in joy up and out onto the surface level where only superficial things can be experienced. I am caught in this net and I know it. I see myself partake in behavior deliberately to lose the moment because it is painful. I know this pain is beautiful. This pain is the oxygen that my soul cries for. But the feed has me, surfing from one fix to the next.

Learning to trust again is a courageous process. It begins with self-compassion and patience. It's important to recognize that the walls you’ve built were once necessary for your survival\emotional safety. Instead of judging yourself for not trusting, acknowledge that healing follows its own timeline. By shifting the focus from the person who hurt you to your own resilience, you begin to reclaim your power. Trusting yourself—your instincts, your ability to set boundaries, and your ability to survive disappointment—is the essential foundation upon which all other trust is built. Once you feel more grounded, the next step involves selective and gradual trusting. Trust isn't a binary light switch that's "on" or "off". It's a dimmer switch you adjust over time. Start small... share minor vulnerabilities with people who have consistently been there for you. See how they handle your honesty. This testing helps you to gain confidence without overextending yourself. By taking small risks, you provide your mind with new, positive experiences that challenge the feeling that everyone is untrustworthy. Setting boundaries acts as the safety net that makes trust possible. We usually fear trusting others because we fear we won't be able to stop someone from hurting us again. By defining what behaviors are acceptable and communicating that early on, we create a feeling of control. Knowing that we have the tools to walk away or address a red flag immediately reduces the risk of opening up. When we trust our own abilities to protect ourselves, the idea of trusting others becomes much less uncomfortable. Finally, it's important to see the past from the present. Trauma often convinces us that a new person is going to behave the same as those from the past. Be mindful, stay present and evaluate people based on their own actions, instead of the actions of those who came before. While it's wise to learn from the past, don't let it become an ongoing source of future suspicion. In time, with positive experiences and reinforced boundaries, the fear will begin to go away and make room for genuine connections and intimacy.

Have become really depressed this week .. and I don’t know why.. I know I’m thinking thoughts that are making me feel this way.. just need to look at what I’m thinking … It’s like I’ve gone down a track with my thoughts.. it was since I saw 2 dogs fighting … I got like this Weird

So I know this is a simulation, how can I leave at will with ease?

There’s a paradox that lies at the center of experience. A mental diaspora that pushes thought and thinking further and further from its origin some few hundred thousand years ago or perhaps even earlier. It’s found in the metaphor of Friedrich Nietzsche collapsing in despair in front of a horse being whipped without mercy by its supposed master. By the death of philosophy in the pursuit of total control, of productivity, of materialism or the realism of material. The mental model of the universe is totalitarian and merciless, it is a master that is so out of touch with the child that weeps inside of him that he will crush it under his boot as he would an insect, with disdain and hatred all without realizing that it is his innocence that he fears so rabidly. I feel like Nietzsche does, I feel like the kingdom that consciousness offers, that philosophy and the responsibility of being aware and alive and dedicated to the continuation of such awareness and aliveness is a dedication to a horse being whipped to death by a tyrant who is so lost, so hopelessly lost, that all he knows is how to destroy. The adage the beatings will continue until moral improves is the world we live in and it’s a world that no one wants to live in.