Yikes. I'm going to share something kinda taboo, but I am doing so because I want to be extremely helpful.
A lot of us sit around with unreleased trauma.
Sometimes, this trauma can fuel us to a point, but always, it will lead to a crash and burn.
Brain fog. Exhaustion. Lack of clarity. Pain. Depression.
I want to start by explaining what trauma is and what it isn't.
Trauma is NOT just “what happened.”
It’s what happened inside of you because of an experience you went through.
It’s the overwhelm your body felt when it didn’t have the safety, tools, or support to process something hard - the survival response that got stuck in your nervous system.
It's the beliefs you formed in that moment about yourself, other people, or the world (“I’m not safe,” “I’m not enough,” “I have to do it all myself”).
So trauma isn’t the event or situation itself — it’s the imprint the event left on your body, your mind, and your spirit.
Put this way, it's understandable why so many of us approach life and business with trauma still living inside us.
I want to share a personal story about how this drove me for most of my life.
Until it didn't.
For my Grade 8 graduation, there was a girl in my class - Nina Siingh - who won 4 big trophies, half the size of her!.
Science. Gym. French Immersion. Music.
I was so close.
I had a 95 average, and she had a 98 average.
I felt defeated every time they called her name.
And then finally, at the end of the graduation, I won the 'Top Student of The Class ' award and received a little green and orange felt badge - smaller than the size of my palm.
Nevertheless, I worked that stage like I owned it and was very proud of myself.
At dinner that night, at home (because my parents did believe in celebration) no one said a word.
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and asked my parents ' Aren't you going to say anything? I won an award!"
And my dad spoke these words I'll never forget: "They only gave that to you because they felt sorry for you."
I still remember the sound of my heart shattering.
Silent tears were swallowed back into my body because I wasn't even allowed to cry.
"They felt sorry for you..." echoed in my body...
My parents were disappointed in me.
From that moment on and for the next 20 years, that was the trauma that consumed me.
I had to push to win awards, because otherwise, I'd let my parents down.
And even when I won awards for my high school graduation, I didn't invite my parents to the ceremony.
The accolades felt empty because my trauma told me that I only won awards because someone out there felt sorry for me.
I could never win.
But this trauma pushed me to achieve.
It pushed me to get top grades, scholarships, and awards.
I lived with the fallacy that I needed to perform, and even when I excelled, it was never enough.
Until I finally recognized the trauma.
I was at Brendon Burchard's Certified High Performance Coaching training, and we had to celebrate the wins in our lives.
I didn't know how to do it.
After graduating from school, being one of the top physical therapists in my area, helping hundreds of patients....coaching others to win...
And...I got married to the love of my life, had a beautiful child, and probably achieved every goal I've ever had for myself at that point...I told the lady I didn't have anything to celebrate.
When she broke it down for me, I collapsed....
That 13-year-old girl who was never allowed to cry sobbed uncontrollably on the hotel conference room floor.
I thought celebrating yourself was for losers and for the weak.
I was so wrong.
Since that day 10 years ago, I have finally been able to share this story, and more importantly, not let this story control me.
Now, I can celebrate all of who I am.
And...here's a little framework to help you release your trauma...and it's ok if you have it...WE ALL DO.
The R.E.L.E.A.S.E. Framework
7 Steps to Letting Go of Trauma and Returning to Freedom
R – Recognize/Notice the thought, trigger, or feeling. “My chest feels tight — this is fear.”
E – Embrace./Allow it without judgment. “It makes sense that I feel this.”
L – Listen/Tune into your body’s message. What is the sensation trying to say?
E – Express - Let the energy move — cry, journal, dance, shake, or yell into a pillow.
A – Align - Choose a new, supportive truth. “I’m not weak — I’m becoming whole.”
S – Soothe - Calm your nervous system with breath, grounding, touch, or nature.
E – Embody - Live from this new state. Release isn’t just letting go — it’s practicing a new way of being.
I think trauma can push us, but love can also push us. More than trauma ever could.
Hope this helps!
Let me know if this hit home.
Love,
Nancy