I was pulling up this presentation I gave waaaaaaaay back in 2014 on how to make secure passwords to show someone. My google drive asked if I wanted to turn it into a podcast... so I said yes... and this is awesome (and super useful) - so I had to share it!

Hey everyone 👋 I’m ready to read through what you moved across the finish line this week. Whether you closed a big project or finally found clarity on a tough decision, let’s hear it. Drop your gains below 👇

I learned to mirror people before I even knew it had a name. Socially awkward doesn't quite cover it. I genuinely don't know how to do a lot of things that come naturally to other people — so I research them. I ask people how they handle certain situations and get that look. The "what do you mean" look. Because they just... do "people-ing". Without thinking. Without a framework. Without googling "how to act normal in a networking event." So I watched. I synced up. I borrowed. It makes sense when you understand the wiring behind it. Years of being told you're too much, too loud, too intense, too weird — your brain learns that matching other people is safer than being yourself. It's not copying. It's self-protection that got really good at its job. The problem is it follows you into your business. It shows up in networking, on sales calls, in group coaching, in content creation, in how you price your offers and position your work. You mirror what seems to be working for someone else. You soften the parts of yourself that feel like too much. You build offers that look like what you think people want instead of what you actually do best. And then one day you start to notice it. And that moment — realizing you've been doing it — is the worst and best thing at the same time. Worst because you start seeing how much trouble it caused. How many decisions weren't really yours. How many times you showed up as a slightly blurred version of yourself. Best because you can't unsee it. Noticing it is the beginning of something real. The hard part that comes after is that when you try to stop mirroring, you realize you don't quite know who you are without it or how to act. That's not a crisis — that's just where the actual work starts. Slowly figuring out which parts are genuinely you, and which parts you picked up somewhere along the way for safety. We all learn from our environment, but what I'm talking about is more about copying things that don't fit you because they were safe vs changing as you learn and grow.

Something that doesn't get talked about enough in entrepreneurship spaces: what happens to some of us when we're under pressure or in conflict. I don't get louder. I don't argue better. I lose access to words. The thoughts are there. The feelings are there. But the words? Gone. My brain just... opts out. And then three days later, I have the perfect response fully formed in my head, and it was Tuesday, and now it's Friday. For a long time I didn't know why this happened. I was late diagnosed — autism and ADHD both — and spent most of my life burning out, checking out, and not even knowing what I needed, let alone being able to ask for it. The word-loss was part of that. So was the confrontation avoidance that came with it. Because here's what happens when you can't access words under pressure: you start avoiding the situations that might require them. Conflict with a client. A difficult conversation. Someone pushing back on your price. A troll in the comments. You know, logically, that you can handle it. But your nervous system remembers the times you couldn't, and it starts making decisions before you do. I literally teach people not to fear trolls. I know that a hater in your comments means your reach is growing — that critics show up faster than fans do, and both are signs something is landing. I know this. I've said it out loud more times than I can count. And I still fight that gremlin almost daily. That's not a contradiction. That's what it looks like when you're doing the work — knowing the truth AND feeling the fear at the same time, and choosing to act anyway. The thing I'm still learning to trust is that the work I've done on myself is strong enough to hold. That I can have a hard day, a busy week, a challenging client, and not lose myself the way I used to. That I've actually changed. That finding my joy again wasn't a fluke. If you relate to any of this — the word loss, the avoidance, the knowing-better-but-still — you're not broken and you're not behind. You're probably just running a nervous system that learned to protect you really aggressively, and now you're teaching it that it doesn't have to anymore.

You may be tempted to lurk - in this community, other forums, or in life. You'll do better to participate instead. Worried you don’t have value to add? Start by giving thanks. If you read something you like then don’t just hit the Like button. Quote it, thank the poster, and explain why it helped you. Here’s what’ll happen: 1) You’ll help the poster realise they’re not posting to the void. 2) You’ll encourage them to post again. 3) You’ll help them keep going, possibly through dark times. 4) You’ll get into the habit of “giving thanks” where you explain how it’s helped you. 5) You’ll start being seen as someone who appreciates and supports others. 6) You’ll slowly move from team consumer to team producer. 7) You’ll start making friends, building relationships, and creating win-wins (the essence of business). Try it and see what happens. Come back and thank me later.