Hello All. First, thank you for your encouraging words to get me through the week. No matter the leadership role you are in, showing up emotionally drained is challenging. But having a safe space to release those emotions brings comfort. Last night's live helped me navigate where I am now and also provided tips on how to release and ground myself. Watching the video on a consistent basis will defiantly remind me how to navigate this and to also see the signs of how not to be in this same space in my next season.

This morning didn’t start with confidence or clarity. It started with weight. The kind of weight that sits on your chest before your feet even hit the floor. The kind that follows you into the car, where the tears come, but only halfway, because even in that moment, you’re still holding it together. And if I’m honest, today I am overwhelmed. I am a department of one preparing a full budget with a deadline that doesn’t move. I am serving as Treasurer for a newly formed nonprofit I didn’t ask to lead. I am the go-to for benefits explanation, ensuring accuracy before renewal. I am providing detailed financial insight for both short- and long-term strategy. I am a newly appointed CFO.I am supervising a Finance Department that has been mismanaged for five years. I directly oversee the individual responsible for that mismanagement—navigating accountability carefully, knowing that correction could be perceived as retaliation. And somehow, I am also expected to smile, laugh, and be “strong.” Did I leave anything out? Definitely. Because what doesn’t always make the list is the emotional labor: - Holding space for a team that has been unheard, mistrusted, and worn down - Rebuilding culture while rebuilding systems - Carrying the responsibility of change while still cleaning up the past - And now, once again, preparing to justify why my salary does not reflect the role I am already performing That conversation alone is exhausting. Having it while everything else is happening feels nearly impossible. Here’s the truth I’m sitting in today: I love the career I’m in. But I hate the situation I’ve been placed in. (And both of those things can be true at the same time.) There’s a quiet tension that comes with knowing your time in a place may be limited—while also feeling deeply that God placed me here for a reason. For me, that reason has shifted. It’s no longer just about the organization; it’s about the people. The team that endured five years of instability. They are cautious, tired, and unsure if things will really change.

I am carrying the tension of dealing with my Deputy Director who has not made the transition from regular employee to leader. I meet with her monthly. I have provided in-house and other leadership support to her but she is not moving as a leader. She is a good employee but not a leader. I am at my wits end as to how to help her. I requested that she review her job description and make a decision as to whether this is the job for her- she says it is, but she didn't think it would come with all of the decision making etc. that leaders deal with. I met with her and the entire team in November and told them I was stepping back to allow her to lead- it has not been good. My team feels like she micromanages them, doesn't know how to talk to them and my department was about to be explosive and I had to step back in. My last supervision with her was last month and I told her that I am not going to do any more informal meetings with her and the next option that I am considering is disciplinary actions or demotion. Unfortunately, I do not have any vacant positions in my department. I am exhausted from all of this. Please help......

Excited to share this month’s edition of our newsletter. This will be a monthly resource designed to support leaders in navigating complexity with greater clarity and intention. We hope it serves you well and interested to hear what resonates most.

Welcome to the founding cohort of the Leadership Lab. You are helping shape what this room becomes. To start, I want to hear from each of you. What leadership decision, tension, or responsibility are you currently carrying that doesn't have a clean answer? A few details that will help us support you: What role or environment are you leading right now? What part of this situation feels the most difficult or unclear? What would need to shift in your leadership for you to feel like these 90 days were worth it? There are no perfect answers here. The purpose of this room is to think clearly together about real leadership challenges. Drop your response below. Let's get to work.