Dec '25 • Tips ⭐
When Big Feelings Turn Into Hurting Hands
A few parents reached out to me this week about little ones who are struggling with frustration and reacting in ways that end up hurting siblings or friends.
If you’re dealing with scratching, hitting, pinching, throwing — you’re not alone. These behaviours look “naughty,” but they’re usually a sign of a child who doesn’t yet know another way to move their big feelings through their body.
I want to gently remind you:
When a child uses their hands to hurt, it’s usually because that’s the only tool they have in their toolbox right now.
It isn’t “naughtiness.” It’s overwhelm without a roadmap.
Children don’t instinctively know what to do with big feelings. They learn it from us — slowly, repeatedly, through modelling.
One of the most powerful ways we can help is by narrating our own regulation:
✨ “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a breath before I speak.”
✨ “My body feels buzzy, so I’m going to squeeze my hands instead of shouting.”
When we show them what we do with our feelings, we’re quietly building their internal toolkit — giving them new options they simply didn’t have before.
If this has been showing up in your home lately, you’re not alone. And you’re not doing anything wrong. It’s just a sign that your child needs a bit more co-regulation and a few more tools in their belt!
Sending you all peace and love 💕
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When Big Feelings Turn Into Hurting Hands
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