Hey, I am not sure how to word this so I will just jump straight in. Have you ever noticed how our thoughts are, as if, received? Obviously there's an aspect where we generate some surface level thoughts, but there is another aspect we have where shit just pops up, and I wanted to take a look at that for a moment. What I'm trying to say but having a hard time is that our thoughts, especially on the level of what seems to be "received" by us, feels as if a consequence of whatever "mode" we're being in. That is, whatever we have "going on" for us tends to pop up in little, or in big ways in the day to day experiences we live, whether when we think things or whenever we experience things. And this shit does not appear to be in the same vein as the thoughts that we think consciously. As in "I summon the image of a blue banana" kind of thought. These thoughts and emotions appear to be tied in some way to "unconscious" or deeper thoughts in some kind of way. In a sense, these kinds of thoughts tend to arise as a consequence! In a sense. That's what I'm trying to get at. And, when we are trying to consciously contemplate something, or even just change our way of doing things, these kinds of emotions and thoughts tend to just scramble up in reaction or in upset. These things taken with a grain of salt may be the best attitude towards them. Curious, open and prodding, but not regarding them beyond the sputter of a machine we want to more fully confront and understand. (Maybe "following the line" back to it's source could be useful?) Now, I also want to extend that a bit further and question whether our entire experience of our lives as we know them are like that too. A "consequence" of something "else"... It's an interesting thought experiment to take a look at our entire experience and wonder what the fundamental base that allows them to be that is. That's an interesting question. What are the components that found my experience to be this?! Is my experience a consequence of something else?

Just being very honest here, in noticing my motivations, and my "deeper thoughts," on a very "down-low" level, what I've got going on is some sort of activity of "needing" to be "the best" in some kind of way. Status attainment somehow. Now, I know this isn't unique to me, and it seems pretty glaringly obvious in a lot of people's cases, but why is it there?? What does it contribute? How come so much of my self-mind activity and so much of what I do ends up giving energy to this? Because let's say it straight right now. For most of us, actual physical survival, ergo not dying, isn't something we have to think about almost EVER. We've got food shelter water this and that to take care of us. Even if it fell apart a bit we most likely wouldn't die. Yet SO much of our energy and attention is being given somewhere else! Where is our attention going? What is it we're doing? Is that what keeps us from being free and happy? I don't know, but I would appreciate some guided thoughts on the matter as I really want to bang a hammer over the head of this issue. It is so much of like, my entire experience! From impulse to emotions, to... Who knows what else. It's just so central to my experience. I even find, when it comes to dedicating my life force to something, if it doesn't gain me status, "is it worth it?" Or some such. I guess all this really feeds into the question, for me, what actually is a Self? What is it's Goal or Purpose?

I’m currently reading Ending Unnecessary Suffering. In the first chapter Ralston says that we need to grasp that a significant portion of our experience is muddied with concepts. When I’m reading the book and consciously trying to do this, I don’t find it difficult. If for example, I am feeling grief towards a person no longer in my life, I can investigate the mental image of that person and realize it is not the same as them. It’s a distorted, inaccurate representation, and it’s literally NOT them. I can also play some games where I imagine them wearing a giraffe hat. When I put the book down and go back to normal life, I go back to my default of being affected by my internal mental images as if they are accurate representations. I don’t know how to access this state of continuous realization. Is it done through practice? Should I spend some time every day doing this exercise and then eventually, the deeper insight will come?

I think I am falling in a trap, lately. I tend to have a hard time relating with people when they talk about their struggles and problems. I feel like I can clearly see through their crap and often point out ways of how they are being dishonest to themselves instead of taking responsibility. I tend to do this instead of showing acceptance and compassion towards them. I am assuming that I know how they would be better off and that I have to behave as their teacher. I think that I am being honest, yet at times, this behaviour makes it hard to relate to people. Has anybody else experienced this at some point? I think the broader question is, how to effectively balance honesty and compassion?

I want to prose a little consideration on the "principle of Cheng Hsin." Namely, the principle, as if, behind the principles we use to study and adopt effective ways of moving or supporting our discovery. In the principles of effortless power, after listing the five principles of an effortlessly effective body being (being calm, relaxing, centering, grounding, being whole and total,) this quote is shown. "Actually, these words do not really indicate what the principles are; it is more accurate to say that they refer to what arises out of being aligned with the principles." And, later on in the section, "The following descriptions do not name the principles, but only allude to them by speaking of the states that appear in the principles’ unfettered presence." Earlier on in the chapter, before it lists the 5 principles, it also says "The basic principle of Cheng Hsin as it occurs in the event of being (being a body, being alive, being in interaction) is approached here through several apparently separate considerations. Since it is especially difficult to realize the actual principle of Cheng Hsin itself, this divisible form of presentation is much easier to grasp. But keep in mind, discovering the actual Principle — behind the sub-principles we use to investigate it here — is possible, profound, and encouraged." That's a pretty interesting collection of stuff right? Here I also want to point out, (although this could be different, I still think it's useful to point out here) that in the book of not knowing, in chapter 5, 5:7, before listing the principles of discovery, it's written "Although they are actually four distinctions within the same basic pursuit—and it is the spirit of this pursuit that we wish to adopt—they act as cornerstone principles for this endeavor by setting the stage for true inquiry." And after listing them, it says 5:49 You may begin to see how these principles are intertwined, really four parts of a single endeavor. So, with all this, the issue of language comes to the fore. The interesting thing about models is that while being accurate to language in the sense they represent something "technically," as in you could say that's "technically" true, the experience of the thing could be so much different that there's different angles and ways to describe it that that could just be one possible way, and it's necessary to recognize that when learning from another, and remember to keep investigating the potential of the words and stay honest with yourself about what's real when looking for an experience of something someone else says. Anyway, just thought I'd share my recent musings of principles