Be respectful. Be kind. Be loving. Be caring. Be honest. Be authentic. Everyone makes mistakes, but what matters is that we learn from them and keep growing. Never give up on your children. Never give up on yourself. Don’t abandon the people you love—including the person you’re becoming. It’s easy to let outside voices influence the way we think, so take the time to reflect, ask questions, and think for yourself. I’m still learning, and I hope I never stop. You’re never too old to learn.

I’m deeply alone…..I don’t wanna be alone any more. I’ve basically come to understand science as my salvation….and I’m afraid people will judge me because of that. So all I do all day is mantra that is basically me repeating words in the philosophical approach of “what the hell is this even?!?” It helps a lot….im a lot less confused when I can’t wrap my head around a thing, I just have to sit with it and spend time with it that way and over time I learn as stuff naturally pops up in my head, not me spiraling for answers out of a fearful obligation that I’ll be screwed if I don’t understand immediately……..circumstance and society alike have given my fear brain too much instant ramen I guess haha. It’s stuck craving it and it sucks! Agh! Here’s a good one - everything is either a potato or not a potato. Given that, everything is either you or not you. Given that, the word co-incidence is actually how reality works rather than a bug…..we’ve all been blaspheming our entire lives….every one of us.

This is what happened to me last month: What Happened With CRC, Form 4, PX3, And Why This Is Exhausting Me Again I’m sharing this privately because Sarah is once again saying I can’t see Elias unless I see a doctor. That might sound simple from the outside. “Just see a doctor.” But the last time this happened, it turned into one of the most intense and disturbing experiences of my life. I’m not sharing this so people attack Sarah, Curtis, Jasmine, or anyone else. I’m sharing it because I need people to understand why this is mentally exhausting for me. This is what happened from my perspective. Sarah wanted me to go to the Crisis Response Centre before I could see Elias. At first, I refused, because she had already said something similar before — that I needed to see a psychologist — and I had done that the week prior. So to me, I had already jumped through the hoop. Then the hoop moved. Now it was CRC. The day before I went, things got intense between Sarah, Curtis, Jasmine, and me. Curtis had concerns about me. He said I looked skinny, that I wasn’t sleeping, that I was too happy, that I talked fast, that I jumped topics, and that I had lost my job. The problem is, most of that had context. I had been fasting on and off. I had worked overnight shifts. I have always talked fast. I have always jumped topics. I have ADHD and autism. I had just lost my job. And yes, I was feeling different — but different does not automatically mean dangerous. On paper, I probably looked like I checked every box they were worried about. But they were not seeing my full life. They were seeing pieces. That Saturday, after an argument with Sarah, police showed up at my grandma’s house. They asked to come inside. I asked if they had a warrant. They said no, they just wanted to make sure everyone was okay. I told them we could talk outside. I sat on the front steps while they stood over me. I stayed calm. Eventually they asked if they could check on my son Tony and my grandma. I allowed it. They checked on them, came back, and said everything seemed fine.

I started Spirit Sands because I wanted a place for raw, honest stories about mental health, spirituality, trauma, communication, and finding meaning in the chaos. This is not a place for fake positivity. It is not a place where people have to pretend they’re healed, perfect, calm, religious, spiritual, diagnosed, undiagnosed, broken, or fixed. It is a place for people who have been misunderstood. People who have felt too much. People who have questioned reality, God, themselves, the system, their family, their purpose, or the story they were handed. The phoenix means a lot to me because it doesn’t rise from comfort. It rises from fire. That is what this group is about: raw truth, honest reflection, mental health without shame, spirituality without arrogance, and learning how to speak clearly after years of feeling misunderstood. I’ll be sharing parts of my own story here over time. Some of it is heavy. Some of it is strange. Some of it is beautiful. All of it is real. Welcome to Spirit Sands. Rise honestly.