Defensiveness… how to become aware when you are being defensive.
Defensiveness shows up on every project. In high-pressure environments like construction, it can look like short tempers, blame, rule resistance, or shutting down. For some people, these reactions are connected to underlying neurodivergent traits—most commonly ADHD, which affects emotional regulation, stress response, and how feedback is processed. Related patterns such as Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)—an intense response to perceived criticism—and oppositional traits often misunderstood as attitude or defiance, can also be part of this picture. Many adults are undiagnosed or unaware they’re affected, and many more work alongside someone who is. The goal isn’t labels or excuses—it’s awareness. When we understand what’s happening beneath the surface, we reduce defensiveness, improve communication, and create conditions where people can stay accountable, engaged, and productive. This is Respect for People. In this talk, Jim Tamm, a former judge and expert on conflict resolution, discusses strategies for improving collaboration by reducing defensiveness within teams.