My Story - First draft! :D · New Earth Community

My Story - First draft! :D

I was a happy child that loved being outside and play and had a lot of imagination and loved creating and painting. When beginning in school I felt how different I was, I had a difficult time feeling understood and feeling like I belonged in any group. I felt like I was too loud in my expression of myself. Even those few friends I had made me feel like I couldn’t express my true self. I lived in a very big city first and then moved to a smaller village at age 10. Even if I changed to a new school the theme remained and bullying started. I became quiet due to keeping myself safe, I also developed different self-hurting behaviour to deal with the inner pain that I didn’t know how to cope with after surpressing all my emotions and feelings. I didn’t speak about any of my experiences with anyone. When I was becoming an adult I made the decision to leave and move far away from friends and family to start my life over again and build myself up and my life with a new foundation. Even If this felt like liberation the first few years I truly realised how limited beliefs, low self-love, self-esteem and destructive patterns I had in my life. My partners shaped the worldview for me and how I should feel about myself through their perspective. I changed myself to become their dream girl and therefore had NO boundaries for how to be treated...

Biggest crisis came one day in april 2023 while doing the laundry. I was currently in a relationship with the love of my life (very intense traumabond) and we have 3 kids together at the age of 3 and 4. I was working full time, taking care of the kids and home chores like laundry, cooking, cleaning, dishes, hygiene of the kids, ensuring clothes fitted ect... I was overworked, overwhelmed, exhuasted, mentally, emotionally drained, spiritually drained and phsyically hurt... I realised that I deserved more. I deserved to feel love. To be supported, to feel like I matter. To feel chosen and respected for who I am. I realised that I wanted to love myself!

I knew I had to talk with my partner about my feelings and where I thought our relationship had resulted in. I also called my parents for support as I understood that I needed to leave the relationship and move as soon as possible. I had to calculate a budget and search for a new place and prepare the kids for the change. I received support from my parents and brother throughout the separation process, but the courage came from me. I wanted to create a peaceful and joyful life. I understood that ONLY I could create that for myself. I needed to take responsibility for my feelings and FEEL them and ACT on them. No more denial and hiding. I had to face my fear of conflict, of not being liked, of being the villian for breaking up a family, for being on my own with my kids, in a community where I didn’t feel like i belonged. I needed to face the fear of speaking my truth, tell my perspective, to hold my ground, to hold my boundaries, to decide where to use my energy, and when I need to let go.

After the separation, life was more peaceful. My most difficult moment was to be present with the fear of my expartner when putting up boundaries and expressing them. I was terrified, I even thought that I would be killed for saying no to all love texts that where send to me, months after the separation. My mind was painting many horrible scenarios of how I would get hurt, be sad and fail in life. I was dedicated to be present with myself and MEET those fears and thoughts within me, only to find many different versions of my inner child that needed a safe person to hold them, which was me. I discovered that I am limitless in my love and ability to hold space for myself and therefore also others, but my new boundary is to show and give this to myself first.

Through this experience I realised so many things about myself, past lives, my family and the whole purpose of my life. Everything that I learn to give myself, I see help others find their own inner voice, care for their own inner child, to find their own power, courage and purpose. To be able to even see that they have the power AND responsibility to create a life they always wanted or finally go for the things they have desired.

I saw that my workplace was not aligned with me, so I needed to quit. I understood that I had to find a community that resonated with me. I needed to invest more in my health and focus to overcome traumas and learn about myself and different ways to do that so that I can create a life that I am content with. I Know that I inspire people by showing the way I live life. I sense that I should be a part of a bigger mission, using my abilities to strengthen and support other human beings.

Now I am building a life where I have space to be creative, to express myself in an authentic way, creating connections with people that are aligned with my values and share the same frequency and energy. I want to build myself so strong that I can use my excess energy and strength to build the new earth by helping people see their own potentials and help them find their way of FEELING what their HEART desires to have in this life on earth.

4 comments