My first non-fiction story - in major flow state!

I’d like to begin my story with a heartfelt thank you for creating this space for us to share. I’ve told snippets here and there to others, but this will be the first time that it is unfiltered and raw, written purely for the purpose of letting it out uncensored and what needs to come up will undoubtedly surface in the process.

The night before a full moon lunar eclipse I might add. Talk about powerful! This might be a long one!

My story begins, as so many of ours do, with childhood. And I was lucky, I had a good childhood. I grew up safe and loved. But within the moments of childhood bliss, as I make my way through this journey of shadow work, I see now that there was a darkness present that has shaped who I am today, almost as much as the light.

I love my parents dearly, but my Dad had traumas that leaked out into our home life on a daily occurrence, from the slamming of doors to the constant shouting, his insistent need to shoot birds out of the window and show me their corpses, and on the nights when his demons got too much, his flippancy at using our family dog, Sam, as the outlet for his pain.

I’d scream at him to stop, and in time, he did. But the sound of a dog squealing for torture to end, stays with you, as do the dead eyes of crows. I still see them now.

As I write this, I’m having a flashback, let’s get this one down while it’s present. I did not intend to share this but I’m in a flow state, so it’s got to come out. This is uncomfortable but here goes.

I’m young. Under the age of 7. My mum walks into my bedroom and the older girl from down the street is in my room with me, only she’s fully clothed and I am not. Mum looks horrified and sends her home, I do not see the girl again. I don’t remember her name, or what happened, just the look on my mum’s face. And the memory that we moved soon after.

Fast forward to my teen years and after overcoming being bullied briefly for a year or so, I’ve got a great group of friends and life is good. I’m popular and a great listener, people confide things to me as they know it will go no further. I’ll take their secrets to the grave. I laugh a lot and cry a lot too, then adolescence hits and the age of dating begins.

I experience heartbreak as most of us do, but amongst the heartbreak, I also experience love, in all its glory and wonder. But I crave attention, the wrong kind, and I get myself into stupid situations. Multiple times. I blame myself. The worst time my drink was spiked, only I don’t remember the details, so I got over it. Or, at least, I tell myself I have. It’s always there though, the older girl in the bedroom, faceless, on repeat, only this time it’s a man. And I will never forget his face.

Fast forward again, and there are many wonderful life experiences, with many truly amazing people and equally as many uncomfortable moments. If I list them all, this story will never end but in summary, I have a lot of good times, a few bad, and then I decide I’m ready to grow up and start a business.

I found my first company in 2001 and what begins as a small model agency transforms into a bustling talent agency and I decide to branch out. I open a commercial photography studio and I’m making decent money, but I am EMPTY. I become addicted to work, searching for something that this career path will never provide, as it’s all about money and ego and nothing else. Money, money, money. It’s all I think about. It comes, it goes, and over time I resent it. I convince myself it is the route of all evil.

My partner at the time whom I’m engaged to be married is out for the night with friends when I get an email from a woman claiming to be his girlfriend of two years. We’ve been together eight, but there are pictures, it’s all there. Another one bites the dust. This one hurts more than the others though.

He was my brother’s best friend, and I let him use the top of my commercial studio as his MMA Academy, so everything is going to change and I can’t escape it, he is my home life, my family life, my work life. F*ck.

In time I met someone else, we’re still together now, (ten years in August!) and we have two children. Orion aged 6 and Lucian aged 4. A rescue Pitbull Willow aged 3 and a rescue ball python Lillith aged 4. My family is everything to me. It’s been one hell of a journey, but now we’re at that stage where things are starting to feel easy. Where I’m grateful for all the other relationships going wrong, so that I might have the chance to experience this one going right.

It’s taken us a decade of ups and downs to get here but we’re finally being rewarded for seeing it through to where we are now. All the arguments are distant memories.

We are two very different people and at the start, this was our downfall, but presently, it’s our greatest strength. I am an eclectic witch and vegan author on a journey to save the world through stories of magick. My partner is a football coach and a singer/songwriter on a journey to help children connect and grow through sports whilst singing his heart out. We are the ying to each other’s yang.

We weren’t when we met though. I still had the studio, and during that time, Dad got pancreatic cancer and was given 3 months to live. And this was the crisis point where the scales tipped.

Nothing will make you find who you’re meant to be quicker than death does. It’s like a brick to the face. Then the chest, arms, legs, and eventually the stomach. Only the pain in your stomach never leaves. Not until you learn the lesson from it.

Dad outlived his prognosis due to a doctor who advised him to cut out red meat, eggs and dairy if he wanted to prolong his longevity. Subconsciously something about that stuck with me and it was the start of a whole new way of life, but at the time, I was so wrapped up in my dad having cancer, that it wasn’t important. He was. In his last moments, I was blessed with meeting and spending time with the best version of him, rather than the version I grew up with.

And then, 10 months after he was diagnosed with cancer, he died. The injustice of it HURTS.

We were asleep on pull-out beds in the hospice with him when it happened, my brother, mum and I woke to the sound of his last breath leaving his body. I remember jumping up to open the window and light a white candle so that he might find his way to the next plane.

He was gone. And then, life changed. Again.

Only, this time, something was different. Through the traumas, the life lessons and the unknown, I started to find myself. A remembering of sorts of who I was always meant to be. Somehow ego and the desire for love (the wrong kind) got me in stupid positions, acting out of character to impress and dazzle rather than just saying and doing, and being, who I was meant to be.

So f*ck what anyone else thought, it was time I started doing just that! I began journalling, and you can see how long this riff is, you can only imagine what my journals are like, but Goddess above does it help sort through all the sh*t and work out who you truly are.

And on this journey, I reconnected with my magick and I realised that I am an animal lover. Not just because my dad used to hurt animals and I wanted to save them, but because I truly, LOVE animals. From dogs to cows to cats to snails, if it’s alive on this planet, I have love for it. And this extends to nature also.

BUT I was faced with the uncomfortable truth, that I was a hypocrite. I hated my dad for what he did to animals. But, looking at my own life, was I any better?

I watched a documentary in 2018 that changed my life forever, called Earthlings. Directed by Shaun Monson and narrated by Joaquin Phoenix, it is a powerful documentary that shows the reality of how our lifestyle choices affect the other species that we share this beautiful planet with, and it broke my heart in two. I went vegan the next day and have been an advocate for animals ever since.

From here, as I became aligned with who I was always meant to be, a saviour of animals, a messenger from Mother Nature, and a portal for others to reconnect with their own unique form of magick … each day, life got better.

I fell pregnant with my firstborn, and, unlike previously in life where I had suffered multiple miscarriages, I was able to see the pregnancy through to childbirth. Orion was born into the world, and two years later his brother Lucian joined him. And, along with my children, I also created another baby of sorts, in my current occupation as an author.

The Earthlings trilogy.

A dystopian world filled with magick and adventure, and at its heart, a desire to reconnect readers with nature and animals. I am pleased to share that my intent is working, books one and two of the trilogy (Earthlings and Dominion) are both international bestsellers and have won multiple awards and book three (Land of Hope and Glory) is due for release on March 27th and just won its first award yesterday. (Happy dance!).

I have a vision for the story that is almost at fruition too, on the precipice, and I’m at that delightful stage of not knowing when or how it happens, only feeling safe in the reality that it does.

The tale I have written, changes the world. Individually for readers yes, but a picture says a thousand words and the movie deal will change everything. The story has my heart and soul in the pages for a reason.

You see, before Dad died, he gave me his ring and asked if I’d wear it when he was gone. It was a plain silver band with a peridot gemstone and I’ve worn it ever since. While looking into the green gemstone soon after he died, the protagonist of the Earthlings trilogy came to life in my mind.

And I know that Peridot’s story changes the world. I'm not sure how. But that’s the beauty of magick, you don’t need to know how, simply have faith in the knowledge that it can, and that if you keep your intent authentic and strong, that it will.

But now, that part of my life is complete, I am at another tipping point. I wanted to write a story that connects readers with nature and magick, and that saves countless animals' lives in the process, and I've done that.

So, what comes next?

Well, New Earthers, I think that’s what I’m here to find out!

WOW!

Talk about a flow state – that was DEEP!!

If you’ve read to the end, hi – it’s nice to meet you! I am super excited to be on this journey with like-minded souls wanting this world to be more than what it is, for each of us yes, but for the other creatures we share this world with too. If you take anything from my story, please let it be that we are all Earthlings, and if we’re creating a new earth, let’s make it a bountiful one for all who call it their home, not just us humans.

And that no matter what your demons are, they’re here to guide you through the shadows, not consume you with them.

With love, light, and a little darkness,

Ray

xox

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