40 going on 80 I feel like · New Earth Community

40 going on 80 I feel like

I never know where exactly to post so i hope this is the right spot .

work work work usually feels like play and joy and creation and yet today , Today I find myself in a place I’m not enjoying.

The last two weeks I’ve been in immense, intense physical pain with my lower back 🙃 — apparently just “average wear and tear” for my age and previously active lifestyle.

There’s been a lot of health stuff over the last few years, and just as I was improving, I feel like I’m now deproving… and it’s upsetting me.

I’m constantly guarding my body from the dogs, sensitive to noise, and the pain keeps pulling me away from being present.

I feel serious, moaning, whiny — in constant agony.

I’ve tried to become the pain, to be in the portal… and just when I find a little ease, I buckle again.

I also have three kids, and my eldest struggles to relax too. Even when I encourage her, she resists — and when her emotional state rises, I feel it in such a big way.

It’s a lot. And yet, here I am — breathing, noticing, still trying to stay open through it.

Maybe this post is just to say…

sometimes it’s not light or shiny.

Sometimes it’s heavy, noisy, sore, and human.

And that’s okay too. 🌿

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