THEY HURT ME ON PURPOSE
THEY DID THIS BECAUSE THEY DONâT LOVE ME
We often infer intent to people who do nasty things to us. We convince ourselves they knew better and did evil on purpose.
But, thatâs a cognitive distortion called mind reading. People actually do wrong things because of misguided reasoning. It makes some kind of twisted sense to them. They listened to the wrong thoughts in their head and those twisted thoughts deafened them to higher, holier thoughts.
Has that ever happened to you?
Marcus Aurelius (Meditations, Book 2.1):
âWhen you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly⌠They are like this because they canât tell good from evil.â
People do wrong because they are mistaken in their judgmentânot because they consciously choose evil.
Thatâs a Stoic lens. But itâs echoedâalmost word for wordâin Scripture.
âĄď¸ Jesus, as Heâs being crucified, says:
âFather, forgive themâthey donât know what theyâre doing.â
(Luke 23:34)
âĄď¸ Paul, looking back on his violent past, admits:
âI was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief.â
(1 Timothy 1:13)
âĄď¸ Stephen, while being stoned, echoes the same mindset:
âLord, donât hold this against them.â
(Acts 7:60)
Hereâs the wake up call: In both Stoic thought and Christian wisdom, wrongdoing is most likely from IGNORANCE; (absence of knowledge) misguided cognitionâfaulty beliefs, mistaken thinking, and chasing false rewards.
That doesnât mean we excuse harm. But it does mean we can understand itâand stop wasting energy on demonizing people who are, most of the time, blinded by the darkness of their own ignorance.
đŹ Your turn:
Where do you need less condemnation and more cognitive awareness? Where do you need to direct less judgement and more enlightened understanding?