I read a few of the posts that @Thomas Rua Jr. has in this community and that in addition to a few conversations that I've had recently got me thinking about self honesty and how often we may find ourselves in traps related to the discomfort of facing ourselves. Even when we think we're honest, at times there are still layers keeping us from truly seeing ourselves. When we don't tell ourselves the truth about what's actually happening (with ourselves, with a situation), we can end up working incredibly hard and putting a lot of time and energy in a direction that's not really serving us and potentially even harming us. Self-honesty isn't about trying harder to 'be honest" because 'most' people already think that they are. The gap is in what we're willing to see and what we're protecting. It requires us to practice /engage in different ways of going about our thinking. Below are some ways to try to go about it!! 1.𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 We usually have a narrative /explanation about why things are the way they are--the story that we tell ourselves to explain our habits, our patterns and the results. Something that we can do is ask ourselves "What if this story is incomplete? What if this story is convenient? What if this story is keeping me stuck?" Fill in the blank, "The story that I'm telling myself about this is____" 2. 𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 We are meaning making people. We end up taking facts and adding meaning to situations. It can ease the bluntness of certain situations. Sometimes the interpretation is helpful, other times it ends up just justifying behaviors that we'd benefit from changing. Blurring facts with meaning can sometimes be problematic. Similar to above "The story that I'm telling myself about this is ____" 3. 𝐎𝐰𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫-𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 This is NOT about self blame. Self blame and responsibility and empowerment/agency are different things. Not everything is our fault and just because things happen doesn't mean that we are the problem. This is more about asking "What kind of agency do I have in this situation, even if other variables exist?" It's about taking ourselves from a victim position and putting ourselves in a position of appropriate power. There are things that are outside of our control but there are also things where we have agency.

""A gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it"--Cool Runnings ***Even if you don't read this, check out the video if you can!*** "I will be happy if..." "When I get this......then......" These are statements that I hear OFTEN in my clinical practice and there absolutely have been times when I've also fallen into this. So, we end up chasing whatever goal it is that we think will make us happy/fulfilled/enough and once we get there we feel a momentary high only to ask ourselves, "Okay, what now? What's next?" And then the goalpost relocates. Good times. This is the 𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐲. It's "the false, often unconscious belief that reaching a specific destination, achieving a goal, or attaining a certain status will deliver lasting happiness". It gives the impression that there's some clean and satisfying 'arrival point' where striving ends and contentment begins. But the reality is that that arrival ends up being more like a layover. A temporary high, followed by a crash, which then we try to fill up again--hedonic adaptation at play here. So here's the thing though because I don't want any of this to imply that goals are bad or that we shouldn't strive. That's ridiculous. It's more about not assigning these goals the emotional weight that they weren't intended to hold and not making your worth as a person dependent on the achievement of these goals. It's about checking ourselves and seeing what underlying driving forces are at play for us when we're striving. A promotion won't resolve our underlying restlessness, a PR won't permanently quiet our self doubt (though it may give evidence that 'hey, maybe we're better than we think'), a cleaner relationship though it can provide a level of safety won't just eliminate internal noise. 𝐆𝐨𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐢𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐦𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞. ***𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡-𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐬)*** If you’re someone who’s good at pushing, achieving, optimizing, you’re especially prone to this.